dreams on hold

A few times today my head was spinning from thinking to hard….I know that never happens to anyone else, but oh my goodness. How many things need to be considered, discussed and attempted to resolve in such a short time!

Well, it’s a lot to take in. We sat with a few of our trusted friends who are part of the Iris Chimoio team and discussed current and future plans for the children’s center. It was a lot of hopes and a few certainties. Everything that is certain is what we have to consider when making any important decisions. We are framing all the conversation around vision and the facts like time limits for Joao’s greencard, various different government regulations, children’s ages, and grade levels, current assets, fixed expenses, team members, family, volunteers and staff. All of this helps us flesh out who we talk to next, what steps we take to go forward with certain documents and plans. There are so many provincial and city office officials that we or our leading pastor has to meet with in order to continue caring for our kiddos here.

We have to consider what to do with the old rental house in the city. We have had dreams and ideas before that we felt like God put in our hearts. We have followed his vision for these children to the best of our faith, ability and skills. They are well, so beautiful and growing up in so many aspects. We are very proud of them. We hadn’t really planned on taking care of children without a fully developed center with nice finished buildings, fences, water and electricity, but that was never our reality. Since September 2008 we have been taking care of the children that Papa God gave to us. We have slowly seen how God has changed our ideas of ‘proper’ order for developing and running a children’s center here. Seven and a half years later, we are still developing and building at the center. Some of our first children have grown up and moved on. Most of our children are now adolescents. They are full of spice and spunk. Our kiddos are growing, and they are loved by lots of mammas and papas now. In the beginning my hubby and I had our little family of five in Chimoio : two of our own children, and one Mozambican son. Then, we had four beautiful kids left at our door. The guard at our property let us know that someone dropped four children that they could no longer take care of. Today, two of our first Iris Chimoio kids are attending University….we are so amazed because when we met them that was one of their dreams for their future. Today it is a reality. They dreamed of having a good job and a house. Today that is a reality.

Sometimes our dreams feel like they are on hold. We have a vision and dream that we believe is from God for Iris Chimoio. We dream of a loving home for the boys and girls with plenty of hugs, help, food, and running water and electricity, and lots of adoptive parents. We dream of having a place for the leaders of the Iris churches in this province to gather together in prayer and communion to seek God together and share their testimonies, to have spirit-filled preachers and teachers encourage them, and to have important meetings to take care of the churches administrative business needs.

For years we have felt like so much of that dream has been on hold. But just like these two kiddos of ours, we believe that God’s dream for us isn’t on hold. He’s growing us down, shaking out the old-man thinking in us and the church, and according to his perfect timing, giving us land, sending children, pastors, missionaries, and funds to build buildings. Sometimes the hardest thing in our faith walk with Jesus is knowing the time and season. This time or season is definitely a transition. It feels like spring, summer, winter and fall at the same time. Its pretty possible that we are experiencing different seasons in different aspects because the dream is so robust.

At first we wanted other people to come help us make everthing happen right away. We were so pushy and motivated by lots of strong emotions like pity and pain. We felt like making things better quickly would lessen the pain. We’ve learned through the years that pain is not our enemy. Pain isn’t intended to tear us down. The pain that so many of us who absolutely love Jesus are passing through is often to sift us, and purify us. Somewhere in our fiery passionate love for Jesus we said, “YES!!! I want to be a part of your pure spotless bride!!!! I want to learn how to love you and be presented as a pure perfectly spotless bride.”

It has taken a few tough times and trial for us to see how silly our whining and straining must have looked to Papa God. He couldn’t love us any more or less for all of our efforts to please him and serve him. He loves us perfectly, and he loves his beautiful Mozambican bride perfectly. These churches that were birthed in the beginning of a powerful show of supernatural miracles and fiery revival have continued to pass through fire, for many in this region there has been pain along with the refining fire. This area has seen power, miracles and wonders. The churches have responded to Jesus in a mighty way, and these churches that are continuing to worship Jesus, and meet together are not sustained by visits from missionaries, food and offerings from the outside; they are sustained in spite of our weakness. They sustained by Holy Spirit. These humble pastors are loving their beautiful savior without having a nice place to meet at Iris Chimoio. This is because their lives are constantly being transformed by their faith. They hold onto Jesus, and we get to hear their testimonies as we sit with them, eat with them, and worship with them. Revival isn’t dependent on missionaries being here, missionaries get to testify to what God is doing. God is doing stuff where the missionaries haven’t arrived. God is loving his children weather it is his beautiful kids that he sent to our door, or his beautiful children in the bush. God is sustaining them, and loving them. Missionaries don’t come here to save the poor dying children. They come here to let Jesus save the poor dying children through them and at the same time learn the truth about ourselves. I was such a poor dying child without the spiritual life that I have gained from depending moment by moment on a kind loving Papa God. I have learned so much about myself and my weaknesses that I am amazed that Holy Spirit flows through me, Papa God adopts me, and Jesus chooses me.

I’m just a little more undone by Jesus love for me than I have been in a while…..It good to breath him in and just see through his perspective. We aren’t late, or any more messed up than he thought we would be by this stage in life. We are failures. We are dreamers, radical laid down lovers, children of Papa God who he delights in giving good gifts too.

So are you!!!! Don’t try to deny it. The truth will come around and smack you right between the eyes at some point. He loves you more than you can think or imagine. No princess fairy tale can define the measure of his compassion and passionate love. Its just far too romantic for us to grasp. With that it is easier to face the realities and dreams that Papa God has for us, and trust that he will work everything out in amazing ways.

We are trusting Papa God for his plans to work….that simple. And we aren’t lost sheep. Since he knows is plans, he is actually going to keep telling us or showing us what we need to know to go forward.

I love that!

I love yall!!!! Lots of love,

Missionary Momma Mia