Writing writing everyday but not a blog in sight

I would have thought that title was followed by blank nothingness...this is my beautiful failure.... really I've been so busy writing to my hubby, the Iris Chimoio team, the office, or school everyday that there are so many days I didn't have words left to blog!!! 

Its so funny how many words are in front of me every day, and how often I am writing those words. Yet, there isn’t always anything to compose as a blog. Blogs are so journally, so free feeling in my brain. But so many people have an outline. I don't have an outline or a blog in mind.

Tonight is one of those nights.... I have written some blogs, and felt like I couldn't post them yet. But tonight, I have written a page of reading response to one of my summer classes text books in less than an hour. Did an edit, turned it in online without any concerns. I’m so confident about that, and rightly so. I guess. I have 100 percent on every assignment thus far. I can handle structured writing, but on Friday I even bombed that. grrrr. I mailed a strange email and haven't gotten a reply. must fix it!!!!

I had a weird feeling about writing after some interesting correspondence that left me questioning my ability to write anything. I tend to bounce things off of my hubby when I have a particularly stinky attitude. Anything that I am taking too personally, or not giving the person on the other side of the story the benefit of the doubt, I bounce off him. He is happy to re-direct my focus, and get me to look at the heart of the matter. If I can’t see that, the heart of the person I am about to smush.

No need to smush people. no smushing - leave that to Jesus and Holy Spirit. He's so very good at correcting and convicting us. His perfect kindness leaves us just almost unaware of his subtle ache for holiness. He doesn't pound us with guilt when we're in the wrong.

Deep sigh.

I don’t like my attitude. I hate when I have smushed someone and I didn’t wait and bounce my communication ideas off my hubby. He has a totally different personality than me, so all of my typical 'Jennifer'' assumptions are almost always so far off it should be funny. It would be funny if I didn’t take those particular things so seriously. Man are we different. His personality is far more introverted than mine, and his humor is sooo differnt. Very very diff-er-nt.

I’m kinda laughing at non-funny things like inside jokes, spelling mistakes and isms. Those barely translate in our international relationship. I’m looking at him when he’s laughing at something I think is entirely inappropriate – for example: kids playing with food or something yucky. We are different. He sees the kids having fun, I see the kids personally undoing all my cleaning efforts in order to specifically break mommy’s heart.

Right….that is an exaggeration, but good to think about. Most kids are not forward thinking enough to produce a perfect strategy that completely unhinges their mommies or daddies. It's usually funny little quirks about our personalities that we like to call buttons or triggers, and our little pumpkins or random colleagues have inadvertently discovered them.

I wish my personality had less quirks. Thankfully my hubby really does even me out so that most people think I am a pretty sane, reasonably kind person, who is sometimes even gentle. That is, in fact, the love of my life rubbing off on me. And, I specifically asked God for that when I was a teenager praying for my future husband every night. I had a list of personality traits, character qualities, special dates, and physical attributes I asked for in my future hubby. I literally asked that he would be my help-meet in building up my character where I recognized that I had flaws and shortcomings. He is the answer to my midnight prayers. He is the single most important person in my life, next to Jesus.   

I’m so happy the love of my life is on a  plane coming home. I will wait a couple days to send anymore not urgent emails, so as not so send something that makes me cringe when I go back and read it later.

Oh, Jesus. Help me be more like you. I want to be more sensitive to other people and not assuming their motives, or their hearts don’t have the best in mind for me. I need to be less of a meany. Thank you for helping me. I don’t even get it. I don’t understand how just breathing a prayer helps me see that I am forgiven, helped, loved and created in your image. You love to see me lean deeper into your heart so that I can love more people with different personalities, giftings, experiences and walks of life. You love when I  lay down your job of convicting, and pick up love. I’m not Holy Spirit. When I try to judge people’s motives - Holy Spirit's job - it comes across pretty stinky (poopy duty) in a way that is motivated by condemnation. I just look into Papa’s God heart and know that he not only forgives me when I’m not reflecting him, he empowers me to become more like Him in that moment.

Who does that? Who loves so intensely that correction is a delight?

Only Him. Only Jesus.

Inside his great heart we find peace, love and joy!

Be blessed as you lean deeper into his heart!

Lots of lub,

Missionary Momma Mia

…see, I think that weird mis-spelling is funny. I’m a dork, but a bit of an emotional one. I’m glad he designed my emotions to reflect His, and he loves my quirks so much more than I do. You too!!! He loves your quirks and humor even more than you do! He’s laughing with us so much more than we realize- like a papa who adores his lil’ kiddos. He loves us with lavish love!!

Goodnight

Sundays are family Fun days

Sundays are for family, but I didn’t know how it was going to work out for us to get together. Our plans got thrown out the window when my middle son woke up with a fever for the second day in a row. We had to cancel driving up to church, and driving down to Arvada for our family get together at my sister and brother-in-law’s apartment.

We did end up hanging out though. They decided it was better for them to come over to gramma and grampa’s house. That worked out nicely since that’s where we are staying too. Gramma and Grampa’s massive house (we think its big) is split nicely between the floors as if it is apartments. We have a lovely space upstairs that is about the same size as a comfy apartment. They don’t use that bit of the house either. So that’s perfect.

Anyway, our family fun time did happen! My middle guy was able to rest while his cousins and two brothers played together outside. We spent hours in the shade of our big trees in the backyard, and he spent hours resting with inter-mitten hang time with his cousins.

My sister and I sat with our mom at a pretty little iron table under a tall cotton wood (it’s cottonless – thankfully) Gramma asked us if we wanted to start over at a new house with no trees. We all laughed. They did try selling this house for a long time in 2013 and 2014. It was on the market off and on for a few months at a time but it didn’t sell. They felt like it was better not to sell after we told them that we were going to have an extended furlough in the US. They offered the upstairs floor of their home to us rent free for a year. That was an amazing offer. We thought we were going to spend about a year or 18 months in Colorado. We were super happy to stay with my parents.

Then, to our delight (sarcastic delight, but ended up being delightful) we found out that the Green Card process for my hubby was going to take a LOT longer than that. It all seemed kinda difficult to understand. We knew Jesus had directed us to spend some time in the US. We felt like he didn’t give us a solid time frame, but the Green Card was supposed to take a max of 18 months for us since we are missionaries. That changed. Our blessed friends who were able to get a Green Card in under 18 months started the process before the Immigration laws changed in 2014. We started his process about 2 weeks too late for the expedited process. Our family has been here just over 18 months, minus our trip to Europe last summer, and Mozambique just now.

We don’t know exactly how long we are going to be here, but we are blessed to have a tiny rent with our parents, and a good school for our kids while we go through this process of waiting and changing. We knew that God was speaking to us about me finishing my Bachelors degree while we are spending time in the Us to get my hubby a Green Card. Our spiritual parents and pastors gave us similar prophetic words and advice. We’ve been married for what seems like forever, but never lived in the US -  until now. That looked weird to the immigration officers. They asked if my hubby likes the US. We told them we live in Africa. They let us know it was important for us to go ahead and get a Green Card, and after he has it we can live where ever we want again. We had previously stayed in the US for less than six months at a time . My hubby had a visitor visa that allowed him to stay for six months. We did a bunch of interviews with immigration officers and learned that that would not work anymore. They said that protocol would only allow him to renew a visitor visa so many times. The Green Card was the next step. He needs a Green Card – not to start a career here or to relocate permanently here, but in order to have good standing with the US immigration office. We scratched our heads, did research, and wondered why? We knew it was going to be a change of lifestyle, but were informed that after about 3 years he should have a Green Card and not be restricted to living the majority of the year in the US.

In the meantime, God spoke to us a lot about our sons’ education, and furthering mine and my husband’s education.  We’ve both done different ministry classes online. I’m furthering my formal education. I have had to add a few classes into my degree plan, so I’m not finished with my 

Bachelors, but I am already looking into Masters programs. I wanted to get into a Master’s program after I finish my BA, but I didn’t imagine that we could spend the time it requires in the US. Well, our time frame has changed. It looks like I can finish my BA and more. My hubby can get a Green Card and we can travel to Mozambique as needed now that he has ‘advance parole’. He even has a social security number.

Our plans got thrown out the window. They were very flexible anyway. But we have seen how God works out all the details to be a major blessing! We’re so so blessed to have such an amazing growing team on the ground in Mozambique. We hear from our team and have leadership meetings via Skype or other social media every week. We have great people on the ground loving our kiddos and leading important projects. We are finding out that we need more time in the US as little things, like a Green Card, and BA and MA Degrees require more time than we initially thought. We are settling into a life here in Colorado, and continuing to lead the Iris Chimoio ministry base at the same time. Its working. Its different from other ministry bases, but it’s working. The stories we have to tell. I better save that for tomorrow. The plans that God has are working out so much better than ours!

Just like today’s plans got thrown out the window, but everything worked out better than we thought it could. We did end up getting to hang out with family and have our fun day. The ladies manned the grill, while the men worked on a car. The kids kept the fun level to a high, and we all ate to our hearts content. My middle guy joined us for our meal, and then they all watched important gaming videos on you tube together. My sister and I even got to sing our favorite duet together, and in worship to our good God who loves to bless us with family time, fun, and fellowship; here is our duet:

We love how God sees the big picture. We were stretched today in little details, like sorting out the fire on our dad’s grill. But it worked out fine. Sometimes it’s better to lay down our plans and ask God for a better one. He has a perfect plan. He loves to walk with us on the path. He loves to surprise us with fun times, and answered prayers.

I was praying for a special time to sing with my sister. Most of the time when we are together, the hours are full of cooking, cleaning, taking care of kids and a little humming together. Today we got to sing our hearts out. Hope you enjoy. The song is saying how wonderful our Lord is, and how we adore him.

Lots of love and Blessings,

Missionary Momma Mia

Scrappy Scrapbooking

Love me some Scrapbook Therapy J

Not just posting photos on social media!

Yep, I’m that kind of person who scrapbooks her pictures and fun stuff into massive memory sized photo albums. I take some seemingly worthless pieces of paper like film stubs or the tickets from the Eiffel tower and add them to paper that probably costs about a dollar, along with candy wrappers, and a photo or two. Then, along with some little cute or pretty stickers, the scrapbook page tells more of the story than the pictures can tell by themselves in a typical photo album with plastic sleeves for holding individual photos. I do print photos every once in a while so that I can scrapbook something new… or just look at photos in a frame that isn’t digital, a computer, or a phone…

Today, I used some paper that cost less than a dollar, some lace that was free, paper lace and pictures from our Colorado Honeymoon in 2004. I specified ‘Colorado Honeymoon’ because we did have a 2^nd honeymoon in Brazil a little after our first honeymoon in Colorado.

Random thought: I have heard of people advocating for married couples to get married and NOT have a honeymoon because of some weird study of other historical cultures. Not going to elaborate, because I don’t agree with them – but those historical cultures aren’t thriving anymore – just sayin’. I would like to point out that a Honeymoon right after the wedding, and basically whenever a couple can get away to have another Honeymoon, is IMPORTANT to us. Romance, love and intimacy don’t stay overwhelmingly present in our lives without the commitment and quality time they require to stay alive. So, I repeat…Honeymoons are important to us, and we advise married couples to have plenty of honeymoons, not just the first one after a wedding. (And to couples who feel like they don’t deserve one for whatever self-condemning reason – its not about deserving. It’s about loving well!) Time alone together is a beautiful thing….I’m totally going to make a plan for us to get away….

Ok back to Scrapbooking…

Anyway, I was scrapbooking today. Usually when I miss my hubby I will scrapbook some pictures from our wedding, honeymoon, or engagement. I am not in a race or on a time limit to ‘get her done’. It’s more like art therapy for me. I have scrapbooking materials from years back….My sticker collection that started when I was 8 has only grown and become more sophisticated. And the books I put the stickers in are way more fancy. Sometimes I use stickers to make a scrapbook page look awesome. It’s not about the stickers, paper, or picture. It’s about the combination of details that make a page look, and feel just perfect to me. I’m looking for the details to be cohesive and honest, but absolutely pretty. Most of all, I am looking at a memory and cherishing the time we spent making that memory. I’m using the photos of that memory to build a foundation for the future – our future together. I spend the time collaging, cutting, and pasting to strengthen my love for my hubby – who I am missing terribly while he is away.

So scrapbooking isn’t just therapy. It’s an act of love that most people can appreciate on some level. Why do I say that? I have seen how people are touched by a thoughtful friend who actually took the time to handwrite a note in a thank you card. I have cherished cards from my spiritual Mama, and from my spiritual papa. I have carried hand written letters from my parents in my Bible. I printed out love letters from my hubby when we were engaged and planning our wedding (They were emails cause he was in Africa and I was in America). Something about time spent to communicate how important someone is just touches people. We spend our time according to our priorities. What a gift to spend time with, or thinking about someone special.

I’m going to say this, and people who forget that I am a missionary, it might sound like preaching… cause it is. I’m sitting here listening to worship, typing about acts of love that show thoughtfulness, and I’m overwhelmed by how the details of my life are woven together like a masterfully designed tapestry. I notice that that emotion is because I’m loved. I know I’m loved by Papa God because I spend special time reading about His perfect character, and getting lost in Jesus love letters to us - His bride. I see His hand in my life because I recognize that the good things in life come directly from one person, not random fate, but a thoughtful loving Papa God. I am convinced that ALL goodness flows from one source. The only one who is Good! Its easy to see how much he loves me when I believe that.

Today, as I picked what pictures to turn into a scrapbook collage, I found a letter that I wrote earlier this year. It was a perfect component for my scrapbooking page today, and the message in the letter made my heart melty and smushed. I remembered my new Brazilian friend telling me how a trip to Mozambique was the start of a brand new dream in her marriage. I was reminded of my ‘first love’ for my hubby not only to remember the past, and build a foundation for the future, but to dream again. I have a specific dream with my husband that I will trust Papa God for, and in the same way that I spend time remembering my first love for my husband, I will spend time remembering my first ever first love: Jesus.

The reason I have someone special to scrapbook for: Jesus. The reason I can feel like an artsy fartsy page is perfect: Holy Spirit. The reason I can be so deeply connected with my hubby and dream with him is: my perfect Papa God. If you are not sure about my point here, I will spell it out. Remember your first love with God. For me it was a moment that I talked to Jesus on my knees by my bed as a tiny little girl.  Remember your first love, and let Him love you. Spend special time reading through his letters to you. Sometimes I read them over and over. It changes my spirit, Jesus words fill me up with such hope, Joy, and love that he changes me. I can’t be a mess forever – I am a little bit of an emotional mess without my lover, helper, and best friend. We do life together. Well, I’m less of a mess with Jesus. I am overwhelmed by Jesus’ thoughts towards me. His imagination is boundless – and my kids have wild imaginations! Jesus’ thoughts are so much better than mine. I think its wild when Holy Spirit points out some detail in my life or highlights a dream, but then God’s thoughts towards me become more and more evident in my life. I step into the reality of our dreams as I trust God’s perspective.

In my ultra-relevant scrapbooking analogy, Jesus sees the finished scrapbook – not just one or two finished pages full of one memory. Jesus sees the entire shelf full of scrapbook photo albums that are full to the brim from before our birth to after our passing. There is so much more from his side of eternity, and every little thread matters! In my scrapbook, every little slice of the paper cutter matters. Every sticker needs to be precisely placed on the most appropriate paper to highlight a detail or mask a flaw.

I really love a perfectly satisfying scrapbook page. I love hearing my son say that Mommy is so artistic. I love my husband taking more than thirty seconds to appreciate something that took me three hours to perfect. Yeah, three hours is a long time. I did hug kids in between contemplating sticker placement. We ate a meal, and I did stop and stare at the photos before I remembered that I should scan the photos because they are so old that they aren’t digital! Then I finally felt ready to grab the glue and make it semi-permanent.

I found a place for this latest scrapbook page in my wedding scrapbook. I was really happy to have special time alone with my hubby right after we said our vows, cut our wedding cake, and greeted our handful of wedding guests. Our Colorado Honeymoon was in a little old-west mountain town. I put our honeymoon with our wedding album because it’s all part of our love story’s first chapter. Its part of our beginning and our first love.

Whenever I miss my hubby, and his tenderness towards me, I look at wedding pictures. And in that light, considering that I spent a few hours staring at three pictures this evening, I must be really obviously missing him. That feeling of longing is a good feeling – for now. It shows that our relationship has a healthy level of loving connection. It also proves my point that I would be a sappy sad soldiers wife…

Ok starting to ramble. Bunny trails just pop into my head. Makes me think of my boxes of handwritten journals from when I was a teenager just full of nonsense. Ok -stop stopping that bunny trail and saving for another time.

It’s been fun. I could add a picture of my scrapbook page, but I have no idea how to do that from this tablet….really I’m not trying to get appreciation for my artwork. I am sharing how I cope with longing for my beloved. I’m sharing how I remember my first love. I’m encouraging you to remember, to breath in that feeling of utter desire, to relent under that weighty presence of Holy Spirit, and let that love change you into the perfect version of you that lives in the heart of Papa God and the Mind of Christ.

You are so loved!

Missionary Momma Mia

Time CrUnCHhh in Mozambique

Oh my goodness, I'm feeling it! I'm not even there, but we work together on almost everything ministry related, and the list keeps wanting to grow . Oh I am feeling the time crunch that my hubby is in while he wraps up loads of tasks before saying goodbye to Mozambique for a long while.

I wish that I had taken one more walk to the little market behind our rental house. I wish that I had taken the time to breathe in the earthy, smokey smell of the Mozambican air. I wish I had squeezed my kiddos one more time. I wish I had one more day to soak everything in, so my prayer for my husband in this ten day time crunch is that he has one full day of soaking up Mozambican sunshine, hospitality, friendship, and breath in rich Mozambican fragrances.

I love the smell of a wood burning kitchen fire, the smell of a dew damp field, fresh sun dried laundry, roasted corn on the Cobb at street corners, and sweet fruit as the vendors walk by with their round basin loaded up with pineapples, bananas or lichi. Those are my favorite Mozambican smells that tell me I'm on a leisurely stroll in my dusty little city in Mozambique. Ah, but I won't be in Mozambique for a while. Probably a year while I finish university,  and by that time the smell of my last t-shirt hand washed and sun-dried will no longer have the sweet memory invoking smell.

The smell of Mozambican sunshine lapping up the moisture from my shirt has lingered for these three weeks since I left my home in Mozambique.

I may have moved away for a season,  but my heart is always there, waiting for the next season of living in my African home with my big international family.
The funny thing about family is that weather you are near or far, the connection is unrelenting. That's a good thing. We need each other. Papa God designed us for deep loving connections. We're designed for love.

I'm thankful for the people who love me through the smooth sailing and the windy weather.
I love that talking with one of my oldest Mozambican son's after such a long time was one of the sweetest hours I spent during my brief time in Chimoio Mozambique.
The tasks are probably very important, and as long as they are evidence of our love for people we trust that each task will be accomplished in Papa God's perfect timing.

We are so perfectly loved by Him, and gently led by Holy Spirit. I'm certain that this time crunch will be a time of resting while we run, refreshing while we pour out, and rich encounters and God appointments while we trust Jesup to rule over our time.

He is the best and kindest King. He knows how to love each of us perfectly and give us the desires of our hearts at just the perfect time.

I believe that Jesus' perfection is evident in our lives as we live with Christ, and in Him. We don't achieve perfection through our efforts to love more, be sweeter, kinder, holier or more like Jesus; but as we receive his perfect love and trust Jesus with more of our hearts and lives we see His perfection, His attention to detail turning everything to our good in a way we had never imagined.

Don't be afraid to let Him love you. All the sacrifice and suffering isn't important if we don't delight in his love. It's the only way we can love at all. We love people,  places, cities, nature, activities, accomplishments and more because we stop rejecting Jesus' love for us. We breath Him in and just trust.

It's awesome to accept Jesus' love, it changes every aspect of our lives.

Lots of love,
Missionary Momma Mia

Happy Birthday Benaiah

Benaiah

The Lord has built. Someone came to me with a word for the baby that was in my belly, and even though the name they heard wasn’t my baby’s name, it was a prophetic word for me and the baby.

I had struggled with giving my baby a name to honor the ones who had been less obviously loved by me before that year. I had ‘favorites’, even though I tenderly loved other brother’s, cousins, parent figures, and in-laws – it was hard for me to demonstrate that love in the shadow of my very vibrant connection with my ‘favorites’.

Someone told me they felt like God spoke to them about the baby’s name, and they asked if we had already chosen a name for our newest addition to the family. I smiled and tilted my head to one side as I shook my head no. We had a name in mind that was not exactly what we were looking for, but our hearts were still searching for the perfect name.

The name from her was a message for me and the baby, not a name for the baby. She said a name kept popping in her head when she thought of me in prayer. It was my birth father’s name, she had no idea. She excitedly asked if I thought that God was showing her our baby’s name. I delicately let her know that it wasn’t our baby’s name, but a confirmation in the direction we were going with our baby name search. It confirmed our command to honor those we had ‘overlooked’. We were so humbled. In 2009 and 2010 we were on the path to truly deepen humility and to go lower still. We learned that it was impossible for us to continue in ministry without learning the lesson of honor. We saw a scripture verse that jumped out at us as we read the Bible. Then the same verse was a key scripture in the next message we listened to over the internet from Bethel church in Redding California. We listened to Bill Johnson preach about honor. It was crazy how the verse was exactly what God had plastered on the wall of our hearts that very week. (Matthew 10:41 – it rocked our world)

My hubby and I had a direct word from God to honor my birth father as we named our 3^rd son. It was confirmed as she whispered his name in my ear. He is a man that I have compassion for, and I am grateful for his role in my life. I have become a more compassionate person because of my relationship with him. His name was a reminder that we were on the right path to love the least of these. We have a command to love people for who they are in Christ, for the destiny that God has spoken over them and built inside them, not to see their behavior and temporary shell as their merit for blessing and honor. Wow, I could love him for his destiny, not only be compassionate for his need. This was another truth that began to apply to almost every aspect of my life in that season.

Look for what God has done, for the calling God has placed on people’s lives, and for the blessing that He is giving through them, and it is easy and light to bless the least ‘worthy’ person according to our immature standards.  Ok, the blessing in our son’s name isn’t to pass on a family legacy or to name him after my birth father, but to learn the message of his name. What was the message? We were still waiting. We knew it was about honor, strength, and destiny…..

Soon after that evening, something randomly pointed out a name in a scripture verse (yes, we are those people with kids who have Bible names- we’re missionaries, Christians and church goers. It was bound to happen) There is was a warrior, a strong man. One of the strongest, whose name was given the honor of not only being recorded as a might man, but actually the great feats of strength and victory that his valor deserved. Wow! A man of honor and strength. We felt a tug at our hearts. We wanted to call our lil pumpkin Benaiah. We asked a friend of ours to confirm the significance and root meaning of the name.

“The Lord has built” That shook us up, from our head to our toes! That was the summary of everything that God was pouring into our hearts and over our thoughts.

We had cried over the challenges of starting a ministry base from scratch with next to nothing – our faith was that small. We felt like it was almost nothing, only enough to help us survive in our poor decision to go back to the mission field and finish what we started.  We didn’t have funding for building projects, administrative loopholes, or any other high cost of starting a new ministry in a new place, but we had a word from God and a go ahead from our spiritual parents and pastors.

We had been in Chimoio for a long time, we prayed for more funding and buildings to house our beautiful Mozambican children, and our missionary family.  A dear friend of ours stayed in our house during our furlough in Colorado in 2010 while our family spent precious time in the states, and prepared for the birth of our third son. He has stayed connected to us ever since. He loves our family! Wow! He prays with us, encourages us and gives to our ministry.

We didn’t plan that. We didn’t ask him to give a donation to keep the ministry going, or to develop the center. He just gave sacrificially because of his love for this big International family! We had seen little progress in development and construction. We had requested electricity year before it was installed, we had a tiny source of water from a hand dug well. Everything was so slow going. We desperately wanted to build and develop.

We left Chimoio for our 5 month furlough that year wondering why we kept at it as missionaries. We knew it was the children and not the busy work of administration or the hope of building, but we still needed more buildings, more funding, more hep. As we just waited before the Lord in worship and prayer, he spoke to us about a spiritual foundation. He was building Iris Chimoio in a totally new way. It was different from our previous years as missionaries, and we suffered under challenging circumstances.  Yet, we had strong relationships with the tiny growing team. It was more like a family. We kept talking about family. In 2010 we knew it was a family that was growing steadily. God told us that ‘He has built’ Iris Chimoio. It’s a children’s center, a soccer pitch and a church. We didn’t have much of a children’s center. River of God was a boys house and a girl’s house that was unfinished, but livable. The kitchen was an outside kitchen that social welfare didn’t approve of, as well as the bathrooms. The soccer pitch was tiny. It was a tough time for our little International family and our bigger International family to grow. It felt more like stretching than growing, it was probably both.

When God spoke to us in the past tense, that he has built it, in reference to everything we dreamt of for our family and ministry in Chimoio, we started to see things through his lens. He has done it, it is finished. Time is not the issue, God is working on our hearts. He is building a kingdom building in our hearts. He lives in us. Everything else is a bonus….all the blessings here tell of His goodness, not of our splendid prayers or ability to organize, work and lead.

It was a shift in our thinking. Our baby’s name was and is a strong reminder that we are not building the buildings at the center, we are not building the team or growing the family – God is and he loves doing it with us. We are a part of this, but it is not about what we can do. It is about knowing what God has done in the spirit, being at peace on the path he set under our feet, and going through the door that he has opened in front of us.

Its all about him. He has built. Not only is it all about him, God challenged us to not only let go of our thinking and planning about physical building and team building, but to trust him, that he will send provision and people to build, he will send people to the team, and he will grow this family.

Since that day that we got our son’s name, we have seen many miracles of grown, building, and provision that we did nothing to attain. Literally nothing. We just love our children, and he keeps doing things for them to remind us that we love them because he loved them first. He provide, he loves and he is faithful.

God has built.

Today my husband is in Africa working on many administrative tasks, and closing out a rental house because God said it’s time. Our things are going in many different directions. Some friends and pastors have new to them furniture or housewares, while somethings that can handle storage in a shipping container are being neatly packed into the container at the center. They will be used in the missionary housing God is telling us about. Something we have seen, but never known the time to start, or who would do it. It seems that what God is doing is so unimaginable even to ministry people that we don’t know how to explain it. People are coming, helping, serving, loving us, and building without any burden on us. Its like a dream. There are building materials being brought to the center! There are workers that we are not paying to build, someone else is. Who does that?

Jesus! He loves to lavishly love us. Seriously, what person can love us that well. It was six years ago when God not only said that he has built the center up, and that he (my husband) is not going to have to build the buildings. When God told us that he has built – there was a tag line, “so you don’t have too.” I felt like he was showing me people coming and building. Ok for some of you who have staff and workers, we couldn’t afford to hire a team of builders, and we were literally out of fire to manage big building projects again.

As I prayed more about the buildings that God has built at Iris Chimoio he spoke into my heart and spirit, saying that we didn’t have to do it. The fire didn’t run out because we spent it, but because we don’t need to do it this time. I heard him say, “I’ve set these projects in other people’s hearts to come and build your dreams.” Who does that? Who comes to serve God and bless us? We’ve seen people who wanted to come and build something else, but that wasn’t the promise. We just had to wait, and right now the team is steadily building at the children’s center. They are doing it. Coordinating with our vision, and doing all the work. Who does that?

God has sent the builders. I didn’t know what that would look like. Its Amazing! Its not in my University non-profit Administration books. Its fresh and new to me. I’ve never heard of this before. I’m sure there are other testimonies like this, and MORE to come!! As people give wholeheartedly and step out in loving service to the body of Christ.

I’m thrilled to thank the people who are coming to River of God Children’s Center and pouring out love in practical and lavish ways!!!!

In Papa God’s perfect time, we are seeing this happen.

We have a beautiful family, and so many blessings. We can’t describe them all, but we can glorify a loving God who delights in giving his children good gifts.

Dream with God, follow him, and obey. He is doing a good work. Its not about what other people can measure, it is about how intimately close we are to our loving savior, and how deeply our hearts beat to the rhythm of his.

It’s good to be loved, it’s great to love others. Something about that tells the story better than anything we could ever try to say. We couldn’t plan this, we can’t make any of this happen.

We can let it unfold as we say yes to Jesus…Its our joy to be loved by him.

Lots of love,

Missionary Momma Mia

Suitcases are finally Unpacked

Well it’s personal news, and it’s not riveting. It is a small victory for me. I finished unpacking two suitcases. I put the clean clothes on hangers or in drawers. Then I put the small suitcase inside the medium suitcase, zipped them shut, and put them in the bottom of the linen closet.

My room is a lot closer to organized, and I’m a happy camper. I don't always have suitcases on the floor of my bedroom.

The boys room is nice and clean. It was a productive mommy day. I didn’t get all the ministry work done that I had on my list, but I did get lots of ministry work closer to done along side mommy work. Then there are meals that we all need to prepare and eat. So, in between cleaning bedrooms and a little bathroom scrubbing, we ate yumminess that gramma baked, and yumminess that the boys and I made all together for lunch and dinner.

It’s a pretty good day. Productive in the house keeping way. Not my favorite department in life, but I am very satisfied with neat organized bedrooms, and very proud of our kiddos. We are proud of our kids at the center when their rooms are clean and neat. Lots of people think that they have to clean up for their children. Not us. With soooo many kiddos (3+ all our Iris Chimoio kiddos) we understand we can’t clean up for them, but we do clean up with them. The kids at the center, along with my awesome hubby and staff had the center spick and span for an inspection from the social services. It was wonderful! The inspection team was so proud of our kids and staff that they took pictures! They loved it! That was my hubby's best day in Mozambique without me so far.

It’s funny that I said this house keeping isn’t my favorite life department, but it is actually one of the things I really enjoy, just not my favorite. I love the mommy stuff, the cleaning is a HUGE part of that. I like to pretend that it doesn’t take as much housework so I can feel more like a career woman, but I am a missionary momma. That’s basically what my job is. I run a household budget and a bigger household budget. My hubby organizes logistics and inventory for our family and for our much bigger Mozambican family. Its more than number crunching, shopping, praying, crying , making sure kids are healthy and in school. We love bragging on our children, we do our share of worrying and handing our worries over to Papa God. We do our share of praying over them, teaching, playing, and correcting. We also get lots of giggles, hugs, yummy meals together, dances, achievements, and victories. Sometimes I need to celebrate small victories.

Today my small victory is unpacking suitcases. The other stuff was normal daily life for a missionary momma, and although a few people have asked me if I was a professional traveler, I don't consider myself a pro.  Unpacking is not a part of my normal daily, weekly or monthly routine. For some missionaries it is, I’m more of the home body than the adventurer.  There is an adventurer in here too, and an artist (I even played the keyboard tonight while worshiping with Mom and Dad), but I’m first a wife and mommy. Maybe there will be more time for adventure and music in this season of our lives, but it will look like climbing a mountain with my kids and getting them more exposure to music. Whatever gives me those precious moments in classical music, or the exhilaration of being a mountain hiker (probably not climbing anytime soon) that is the Joy of parenthood – sharing the things that are important to me with  the beautiful kiddos that Papa God has put in our care. 

Jesus knows just how to love us, and we get to love them! It’s wild to think about it sometimes, but having kids and caring for kids is the greatest adventure in my life. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Lots of love,

Missionary Momma Mia

Trusting at the end of my dirt road

Trust blurg

Sometimes people second guess Papa God’s choices. I know we are not those people, ever, never. Nope. We trust Papa God, most of the time. So yeah, very sarcastic statement above. Sorry for those who can’t read satire. It really is tough actually because tone is lost while reading. So, that statement is contrary and sarcastic. 

No, we are not so proud or silly to shout out that we are always always trusting God in everything that unfolds in our lives. There are days we look up to heaven and want to question the clouds…..not helpful though. Holy Spirit is everywhere, if we want to imagine that God has moved far away and is up in or beyond the clouds, then that is a clue that our doubt meter is up and our faith meter is dipping down.

So yeah, I’ve wondered about some of Papa’s direction in our lives, and the plans he has for us. Sometimes the thoughts he has are wild. I’m like, “Not sure you understand that my skill level is presently not up to dealing with this reality.” And he just kinda smiles, its irritating if I’m frustrated though. Why do parents look at our kids with that, “You don’t know you can do this, but I know you will” look?

Parents usually have a bigger picture than their kiddos. So, Papa God knows the entire bigger picture, of everything. He’s not wrong in his confidence in our process with him and his perfect plan for our lives.  

His love is perfect for us, he’s not allowing a situation in our lives that he isn’t giving us everything we need to get through it. Today we see his perfect plan unfolding in a beautiful way in our lives. God is so good, so kind, and overflowing with lavish love!

Lots of love,

Missionary Momma Mia

Time to unpack my Suitcases

I still have my suitcases and carry-on our bedroom floor next to our bed. I don’t know what the delay is about. Then I realized that I’m waiting for my husband. Goodness, could I be any less of a sap? I’m pretending like I haven’t arrived yet. I think it’s time to unpack all the way and put my suitcases away. I should.  Somehow in the back of my head, and all over our bedroom, I’m pretending I just got here. Its been over a week though. I’m still pretty mixed up in my hours – sunlight is supposed to help with that, and taking it easy.

I’m still so in tuned to Africa time more than America time. It’s just to hard unplug from African life, and get into some routine in America. My routine here is still almost completely full of emails, phone calls, chats, and reports about Africa. Now even my internal clock is focusing more on Chimoio time. All I can do is one day at time. Take care of kids, call hubby, read text books, do homework, send emails, plan, organize, communicate, and write up reports…..it shouldn’t matter to much what time of the day those things happen. Except my kids are here in Colorado on Colorado time, so meals and hanging out with them and getting them to bed is on this clock. Communication with the team is on their clock, and communicating with my hubby is on Chimoio time, because he’s there – only we have a normal pattern. We don’t talk about work stuff in the evening. We talk about work stuff in the morning to plan the day. Only now everything is flip flopped and mixed together.

We will make it through the next couple weeks. We will do better than make it through some rough patches of weird sleep hours, and flip flop conversations, we will come out the other side as champions. It’s for our family. We are Mama and Papa Bear…..and for us, we realize that is a great thing. It drives our heart and vision for building a family instead of a mission. We are missionaries. We can travel. We can sacrifice ‘normal’ hours and face various challenges. Our mission is not our first priority….our relationship with the vision giver (Papa God) our relationship with each other (romance) and our tenacity for our family.

I like waiting for my hubby to come home, but it won’t hurt to have some more floor space. I will still have calls at weird hours, and some things more mixed up than usual until my hubby comes home. Its worth it because it’s full of love and heart.

Lots of love,

Missionary Momma Mia

There’s no place like home

There’s no place like home, but which home? Colorado or Chimoio?

What would I give for teleportation via tapping my feet in sparkly shining shoes.

I do have shiny sparkly shoes.

I wore these shiny glittery shoes as house slippers inside my home in Africa for two weeks. Then I clicked my heels….well actually then a got in a car and we drove for about 3 hours. I was reluctant to kiss my hubby goodbye one last time after getting my passport and residence documents stamped for my exit of the country.

I wonder what the officer was thinking when I asked him to let me back through the door to say my final goodbye. He let me embrace my stinker hubby one last time, and kiss him goodbye. I was a bit anxious on so many levels. I’m kind of a disaster traveling alone. I’m actually kind of a disaster traveling. It’s funny how people assume that I must be a great traveler. I do have experience. Lots of experience crossing over the big blue ocean, but I’m not. I’m probably among the worst travelers. I try not to let it out, but sometimes I’m so uncomfortable that I get gas. I also have to say that I don’t sit still. The people around me always have extra bumps because I’m tall. I hit their chair with my knees or bump their tray table. Oh its hard to travel, so I’m always happy for some extra leg room. I love the bulkheads. But here I go rambling off on the discomfort of travel when I was telling my exit story.

That’s right. Joao kissed me goodbye. I held his face in my hands for the last time in a month. I would be a tragic soldiers wife. Definitely crying at any deployment. I don’t just love my husband. I really like to be with him. We do stuff together every day. We are those gooey romantic people that some people love to hate, but we present pretty normal in social settings.

Goodness. I’m outing our romance. Our passionate silliness and all that jazz should be under wraps. I know, but I miss him. I hated saying goodbye. I managed getting on the first plane from Beira to Joburg without any problem. It was a smooth flight. No anxiety. I was just watching out the window looking at my other country for the last time in probably 10 months. It was fine getting from Joburg to London. I had a bowl of soup at Mugg & Bean in the airport and was able to use WiFi for 30 minutes. I loaded emails on my phone, and tried to post on Facebook. It was heavenly.

Then I moved through the airport trying to find where my gate was. It’s the hidden one in the international Terminal that has no loud speaker once you find it. That’s ok. A long line of travelers filled the walkway waiting for boarding to start while I sat on the floor and charged my phone in a plug on the wall.    

So, I can manage my way through airports, and I know where to find things like charging stations or just a random plug. But I’m still not nearly as confident as people might guess. I’m not mentally or cognitively afraid of flying, and therefore anxious. Something about how my eyes dry out, and my stomach always hurts speaks of physical anxiety from the movement. I keep an eye on the ‘doggy bag’ - seriously. I have some pretty good vertigo. People offer me motion sickness pill,  but it hasn’t helped up to now. I just suffer through and will myself to get over the nausea by thinking about other things. Read if I can handle it, listen to a book, or watch a movie. Mostly, I want to sleep on a flight so I can ignore my physical discomfort.

Anyway, I couldn’t eat much on the flight to London. I managed to nibble on almost every meal while what I wanted to do was not eat at all. I get emotional when I say goodbye to people for a while. I don’t like to eat when I’m emotional. I just wanted to cry. But I felt really vulnerable with the people around me. They were kind, but observant. I just wanted to be an oblivious blip on someone’s radar. I couldn’t cry. Watching something sad wouldn’t work either. The person next to me seemed to be searching my soul. I planned to spend a few hours in a bedroom pod in the London Heathrow airport before waiting for my plane from London to L.A. That was lovely. I had nice hot shower with running water after two weeks of no running water.

I laid on the bed with fresh white linens, then had a lovely breakfast before I checked out. I headed to the shop area and bought cold medicine from the drugstore in the airport. Then I found a secluded bench somewhere by a black baby grand piano that was fitted with a player. It was lovely, so pleasant to hear the rich sounds of a finely tuned instrument.  I finished my Sudoku puzzle from the previous plane magazine, and then checked the screens for my gate. They only show the gate number one hour before boarding time there. I found my gate and starting boarding just after grabbing a few magazines.

This flight was different. My row was empty until the last two passengers were assisted to board the aircraft. They were a lovely older couple from India. They spoke very little English, and I was literally thrilled. First of all, my first mission’s trip as an adult was in India. Secondly, they were just to cute and so precious. I loved helping them with the little things. Then they went to sleep. There was some kind of tenderness that gave me permission to cry. I cried off and on for one hour before putting on a sad movie that I cried through off and on. I finally got the emotional release that I was looking for.

The cold and flu meds I bought helped me to fall asleep. The broken rest was better than no rest. I landed in LA late in the evening, but it was still pretty bright outside. I had traveled about half way around the globe and crossed from the southern hemisphere to the northern hemisphere: Winter to Summer. I was greeted by a friend who hosted me for two nights to help me get over the jet lag, and an ugly cold or flu…or something from traveling in changing climates. Anyway, She’s a great friend. Any excuse to hang out with her is well worth it!

I wasn’t crying on my last flight from L.A. to Denver, and I wasn’t wishing that I could cry or forcing myself to eat at least a third of somewhat improved airplane meals.  I wasn’t even saying goodbye to my home for the last decade. I was finally hopping on a plane to see my kids after three weeks of being away. BUT, This leg of my flights  is where I was by far the biggest disaster.

Oh my goodness. It’s a miracle I even got on that plane after falling down the escalators. I’m serious. There was barely enough time to get to my bag drop after I walked to the first elevator at the end of the terminal. It wasn’t working. So my ten minutes was down to five. Then I walked to the other end of the terminal to find that it wasn’t working either. So I went to the third elevator outside and saw no lights, no nothing. 3 elevators not working, and my time was ticking away. You are not supposed to travel on escalators with heavy check-in luggage for a reason. They are cumbersome and heavy. But I was running out of options and losing any chance of getting my bag to Denver at the same time as me.   To my annoyance, I tried to get my 50 pound bag along with my 20 pounds of check-in to stand up neatly on the moving stairs. Only three steps up, we crumbled. Crumbling is so much better than toppled. It was like melting down, instead of dramatic rolling. So I was glad that I didn’t have any clothes or shoelaces caught in the moving steps. I have some bruised knees and an escalator burn on my left leg, but I got myself and the bags up to the next floor where the bag drop was. I managed to get to my feet, get the bags stable and somehow stumble up the escalator all the way to the top.

I power-walked from there, past the broken elevator in the middle of the terminal with a crowd of twenty people waiting while two service men worked on fixing the elevator, all the to the check-in desk, right as the cut off time for checked bags rolled over the clock. To my delight, the attendant quickly helped me get the bag tagged and on its way to the plane. I had paid for it online. All I needed was to get to that bag drop 45 minutes before my flight was scheduled to leave. The tag said that I was 1 minute late. In that one minute I had managed to share my woes with the lady, and she informed me that my bag would go to Denver on this flight or the next. I needed to head straight to security though. So I did. However, they sent me to the slow line. It was my delight (I’m more timid than anybody believes so that is sarcasm. I know its hard to read sarcasm, but just believe me its cynical) my delight, to kindly ask everyone in front of me if they would let me go in front of them since my plane was boarding. They were all so kind. I managed to get to my gate just as they made the last call for my boarding zone.

It was a huge relief to sit on the last plane home. I was actually a champion during the flight, no tears, no anxiety, no gas. Just wide eyed wonder as I watched the landscape beneath our plane change from Ocean and green mountains, to desert and canyons, and then mountains again. My mountains were at long last, beneath me. I recognized different mountain ranges and peaks. There was some kind of settling in my soul. It felt like contentment for the tradeoff of Chimoio for Colorado. Now I just needed to find out if my checked bag made it.

There were toys from Africa in there, and I wanted to be able to give them to my boys. I saw it, on the wrong baggage terminal thingy, but I recognized it from far away. I found a working elevator in Denver and went down to passenger pick up. My dad came to get me with mine and my hubby’s three boys. They came filing out of the car to hug and kiss me. I was so happy to see them. We had an ice-cream together as we headed home. It was a short drive, but so very final.

I have been spending these last few days just hugging my boys, chatting with my hubby who is an ocean away, catching up with some homework and emails, and resting. That yucky snot got pretty bad as the flights only irritated my sinuses more, so I saw a doctor today and he suggested more rest and more of the same meds. After all, I do know how to recover from international travel.

I feel like my heart has been divided in two. I’d rather it be my liver. It’s the only organ that can grow back when its divided, and therefore so much more like love. Love is not diminished when it’s shared, it only grows. So I could say that half my heart is on this continent and half my heart is in Africa, or I can talk about my liver. It grows, so It’s more like love. I can love two places and two people groups, and have my family in multiple continents. That’s ok. It was feeling like a broken heart, but its mended.

I feel more like I’ve shared my liver…..so it’s easy to spread the love.

This is goofy and I’m sorry for those who read to the end. I’m sure it’s the night-time Mucinex setting in and interrupting my ability to communicate.

Well, thanks for all the love and support! Your a champion if you've read this far.

Lots of love right back at you!

Missionary Momma Mia

Overfull to Overflowing

Today started with a fun church service at Iris Chimoio River of God Children’s Center. We danced and laughed and sang in so many dialects that I only understood half of the songs. The mamas, grandmas, and girls were dancing in the center of the room. The guys played instruments and danced in a line behind the girls. All the voices were loud and clear. We worshipped and prayed together then listened as one of our older sons shared a message about being salt and light. He also talked about forgiveness and brought tears to my eyes. My hubby and I love this young man so much…. We are so proud of him and our other kiddos!!!! Then they surrounded me and prayed over me as I said goodbye. Oh my goodness, they are precious… Their hugs are priceless. Their prayers are powerful and full of faith. 

“Surround Mae with angels on her journey. Protect her and bring her back safely….” They continued for a while, all praying at the same time. Then our pastor prayed over me and our family as we are in this huge transition that God will bless us in our Goodbyes and keep us connected in spirit. My heart was just smushed….Its an incredible people we get to spend time with! They are a huge blessing in our lives. How can we say goodbye one more time? But we are a family stretched across the globe with our own three sons in the US. We miss them so much. It’s time for me to get back to them.   

But I’m not sure if I can say goodbye one more time today. My hubby so kindly reminded me that I need to say goodbye to our Mozambican son Ngenie. I’m pretty sure he’s heading to bed already though. And I’m not sure if I can get through more hugs. I’m over full, but I’m not sure if I’ve made it to overflowing. I’m full like a sack that is about to burst.

I need to take a deep breath and allow God to pour through me, then I can go hug my son….

Ok…hug time before he goes to bed, and then heads to school early in the morning.

Now I’m overflowing…..I got a hug and a big surprise!

I went to hug Ngenie goodbye, and he barely could hug me. Then he asked me if it was ok for him to come with us to Beira tomorrow. He told me that he doesn’t have class tomorrow or Tuesday. I told him that of course he can come. We will work out the details in the morning. I told him that it’s perfect that I don’t have to say goodbye tonight because I can’t handle one more goodbye today. Ngenie couldn’t handle another goodbye either, he was swallowing back the tears. I totally understand the emotion.

Now I’m just to overfull and overflowing with real soppy gratitude to Papa God. He just knows me so perfectly and understands what I can and cannot handle right now. I just needed to be able to wait to say goodbye.

I’m so amazed! We serve an awesome God feels like an understatement!!!! Can you fathom how perfect that detail is for me right now? It’s just so much more than any kindness I’ve experienced from a person in my life.  Papa God is by far the kindest person I know.

I’m literally crying now, and it’s because of amazement. How he loves us!!!! There is no other God who wants to show us his power by arranging a perfect ending to a perfect evening setting up the details that will best bless me!

I feel so loved and so blessed to be right here right now with hubby beside me. Yesterday and today we celebrated our 12^th wedding anniversary with wonderful meals out with friends, and a tremendously sweet lunch date with our beautiful Mozambican daughters! We all got dressed up in fancy dress clothes to celebrate!

We’ve said goodbye to many dear friends here, and we can’t wait to stay connected via various forms social media. Thank you to everyone who has blessed us on our special day!!!!!

We are over full and stuffed with love and friendship, we are overflowing with such tender JOY for being sons and daughters of the best, kindest and perfect Papa God!

Lots of love,

Missionary Momma Mia

Flickering undying flame for Mozambique

Flickering flame

Perfect reason to give away leftovers from our dinner. I wasn’t sure why I couldn’t finish my meal this evening. We had set up a dinner date at a great place in Chimoio with great friends. We had the best conversation possible, and I might have just talked to much. I couldn’t finish my meal. My hubby asked for a take away box for the other half of my meal.

Then on our way our way home we found the perfect reason for having neglected such a yummy meal, and the right person to give our leftovers too.

My hubby and I don’t usually take that road home back from the restaurant, but tonight we happened to take the road because we knew that the other street that we used to take would be more crowded with drunks from the bars. I usually prefer the other road because it has a little bit more light from streetlamps, but tonight we went on that bumpy bumpy dirt road behind the school that is a short cut to our rental house. As soon as we turned the corner we noticed that there was a light flickering out of place up ahead of us. It was a little fire lit right next to the dumpster, and someone was getting warm. 

That dumpster often has a mad man rummaging around through the garbage for food, but Joao noticed that is wasn’t a mad man or even a grown up. He was a kid. When we realized that is wasn’t the normal mad man who stays by that dumpster, we stopped the truck, backed up and found out that this youngster was on the street for only a brief time. Our hearts desire is to scoop him up in our truck and let him sleep at our home just two blocks away. Tonight the temperature will drop pretty low. That’s why he had lit a fire to try to get warm. We looked at each other and knew that we needed to give him time to get to know us and our big family. We struck up a conversation.

He looked out of place wearing summer clothes instead of a winter jacket. His tank top and shorts didn’t look to be too ripped -  from what I could tell in the dim light. He appeared a little to clean to have been surviving on the street any length of time. He was kind and spoke very clear Portuguese. Sometimes street children speak more of the local dialect because they are not in school studying the national language. His name is Jose, and he answered our questions very clearly in Portuguese. We asked him if he was hungry and would like to eat my left overs? “Sim….Obrigado”(Yes, thank you) my hubby asks him in unison with me “Jose,  where is his home? “Nao tenho” (I don’t have one), Why? “Both of my parents died a year ago” Do you have any other family? He looked at me then at the ground contemplating an answer. So I asked if he had any aunties or uncles to care for him? “Nao” Rephrasing the question gave him an opportunity to answer without lying. My hubby asked him how long he has been on the street, but I’m not sure we got a straight answer. We know time passes differently when you don’t have a home. Then he asked him, where is your blanket? He told us that he is using a sack.

A vehicle was coming up behind us, so we said our goodbyes. We knew that if we talked longer we would be tempted to just take him home, but knowing the best path is to build a relationship and take things slowly we drove away knowing that he's going to be warmer tonight and well fed. He’s not a small child, but a teenager. My hubby lets him know that we will send our son with a blanket and we will talk with him more and give him as much help that we can give.

Our sweet Mozambican son took a sleeping bag to him and prayed with him. He is so tender towards Jesus and to the lost. They talked for a little bit and Ngenie came up with a lot of similar info. He agrees that this guy isn’t a street kid, and he said he’s only been there a month because his auntie was beating him and hasn’t come to look for him since he left her house. Our Mozambican son Ngenie knows what its like to loose both parents and then loose a home with an family member. It’s not easy to be alone. Ngenie asked him if he would want to live with our other kids or if he knew any of the Iris Chimoio missionaries. He is interested. He told Ngenie he stays by that dump, so Ngenie will bring him breakfast on the way to school. Our pastor and his wife are already praying with us for Jose to be safe and warm tonight, and to find a new home, or reconcile with his aunty. God knows exactly what this youngster needs. His heart is broken without his parents and he needs warmth, food, and to continue his education.

My hubby and I are ready to help him find his family again, or have a bed at River of God Children’s center. It doesn’t take us to long to decide these things. When he is ready our team will do whatever we can to help him get safe and warm for these cold winter months.

This is why we give our hearts to this people, this nation. Papa God doesn’t let these vulnerable children be hidden from his watchful eyes, and at just the right time this evening near 10pm we spotted one of his kids who might be getting ready to come home, or return to his family with help and love from ours.

Oh we have such a good loving Papa God!!! Its an honor to have eyes to see the hurting, and be able to love on them. It’s the best way to spend the last moments of our day.

So much love,

Missionary Momma Mia

dreams on hold

A few times today my head was spinning from thinking to hard….I know that never happens to anyone else, but oh my goodness. How many things need to be considered, discussed and attempted to resolve in such a short time!

Well, it’s a lot to take in. We sat with a few of our trusted friends who are part of the Iris Chimoio team and discussed current and future plans for the children’s center. It was a lot of hopes and a few certainties. Everything that is certain is what we have to consider when making any important decisions. We are framing all the conversation around vision and the facts like time limits for Joao’s greencard, various different government regulations, children’s ages, and grade levels, current assets, fixed expenses, team members, family, volunteers and staff. All of this helps us flesh out who we talk to next, what steps we take to go forward with certain documents and plans. There are so many provincial and city office officials that we or our leading pastor has to meet with in order to continue caring for our kiddos here.

We have to consider what to do with the old rental house in the city. We have had dreams and ideas before that we felt like God put in our hearts. We have followed his vision for these children to the best of our faith, ability and skills. They are well, so beautiful and growing up in so many aspects. We are very proud of them. We hadn’t really planned on taking care of children without a fully developed center with nice finished buildings, fences, water and electricity, but that was never our reality. Since September 2008 we have been taking care of the children that Papa God gave to us. We have slowly seen how God has changed our ideas of ‘proper’ order for developing and running a children’s center here. Seven and a half years later, we are still developing and building at the center. Some of our first children have grown up and moved on. Most of our children are now adolescents. They are full of spice and spunk. Our kiddos are growing, and they are loved by lots of mammas and papas now. In the beginning my hubby and I had our little family of five in Chimoio : two of our own children, and one Mozambican son. Then, we had four beautiful kids left at our door. The guard at our property let us know that someone dropped four children that they could no longer take care of. Today, two of our first Iris Chimoio kids are attending University….we are so amazed because when we met them that was one of their dreams for their future. Today it is a reality. They dreamed of having a good job and a house. Today that is a reality.

Sometimes our dreams feel like they are on hold. We have a vision and dream that we believe is from God for Iris Chimoio. We dream of a loving home for the boys and girls with plenty of hugs, help, food, and running water and electricity, and lots of adoptive parents. We dream of having a place for the leaders of the Iris churches in this province to gather together in prayer and communion to seek God together and share their testimonies, to have spirit-filled preachers and teachers encourage them, and to have important meetings to take care of the churches administrative business needs.

For years we have felt like so much of that dream has been on hold. But just like these two kiddos of ours, we believe that God’s dream for us isn’t on hold. He’s growing us down, shaking out the old-man thinking in us and the church, and according to his perfect timing, giving us land, sending children, pastors, missionaries, and funds to build buildings. Sometimes the hardest thing in our faith walk with Jesus is knowing the time and season. This time or season is definitely a transition. It feels like spring, summer, winter and fall at the same time. Its pretty possible that we are experiencing different seasons in different aspects because the dream is so robust.

At first we wanted other people to come help us make everthing happen right away. We were so pushy and motivated by lots of strong emotions like pity and pain. We felt like making things better quickly would lessen the pain. We’ve learned through the years that pain is not our enemy. Pain isn’t intended to tear us down. The pain that so many of us who absolutely love Jesus are passing through is often to sift us, and purify us. Somewhere in our fiery passionate love for Jesus we said, “YES!!! I want to be a part of your pure spotless bride!!!! I want to learn how to love you and be presented as a pure perfectly spotless bride.”

It has taken a few tough times and trial for us to see how silly our whining and straining must have looked to Papa God. He couldn’t love us any more or less for all of our efforts to please him and serve him. He loves us perfectly, and he loves his beautiful Mozambican bride perfectly. These churches that were birthed in the beginning of a powerful show of supernatural miracles and fiery revival have continued to pass through fire, for many in this region there has been pain along with the refining fire. This area has seen power, miracles and wonders. The churches have responded to Jesus in a mighty way, and these churches that are continuing to worship Jesus, and meet together are not sustained by visits from missionaries, food and offerings from the outside; they are sustained in spite of our weakness. They sustained by Holy Spirit. These humble pastors are loving their beautiful savior without having a nice place to meet at Iris Chimoio. This is because their lives are constantly being transformed by their faith. They hold onto Jesus, and we get to hear their testimonies as we sit with them, eat with them, and worship with them. Revival isn’t dependent on missionaries being here, missionaries get to testify to what God is doing. God is doing stuff where the missionaries haven’t arrived. God is loving his children weather it is his beautiful kids that he sent to our door, or his beautiful children in the bush. God is sustaining them, and loving them. Missionaries don’t come here to save the poor dying children. They come here to let Jesus save the poor dying children through them and at the same time learn the truth about ourselves. I was such a poor dying child without the spiritual life that I have gained from depending moment by moment on a kind loving Papa God. I have learned so much about myself and my weaknesses that I am amazed that Holy Spirit flows through me, Papa God adopts me, and Jesus chooses me.

I’m just a little more undone by Jesus love for me than I have been in a while…..It good to breath him in and just see through his perspective. We aren’t late, or any more messed up than he thought we would be by this stage in life. We are failures. We are dreamers, radical laid down lovers, children of Papa God who he delights in giving good gifts too.

So are you!!!! Don’t try to deny it. The truth will come around and smack you right between the eyes at some point. He loves you more than you can think or imagine. No princess fairy tale can define the measure of his compassion and passionate love. Its just far too romantic for us to grasp. With that it is easier to face the realities and dreams that Papa God has for us, and trust that he will work everything out in amazing ways.

We are trusting Papa God for his plans to work….that simple. And we aren’t lost sheep. Since he knows is plans, he is actually going to keep telling us or showing us what we need to know to go forward.

I love that!

I love yall!!!! Lots of love,

Missionary Momma Mia

Dinner with our friends

You might be thinking, "Where has she been?" Tonight my hubby and I had dinner at our friends' house.  I always love hanging out with our friends at their house. Home made food, coffee and fun conversation. It’s usually in Mozambique. This time it was in the states! So happy to see them being blessed with an amazing property and a house they are turning into a great home. Tonight was beautiful! I love to see how Papa God blesses the people that I love. It is nice when random people have great happy stories and powerful testimonies, and it is even better when people you love have great happy stories and powerful testimonies. My hubby and loved hearing their great story about how they were able to get their house. They just have incredible favor, and God is generous in blessing them!!!!

Why? I believe it is because our friends are truly generous, not because they invited us over for dinner, but because they give their lives away for the kingdom. What kingdom? Jesus’. I know you probably know that if you read my other blogs. But lots of people interested in kingdom business have other things in mind. Most people who are interested in building up a kingdom want power. Some of them want power to be able to have more stuff and money. Some people want power to become famous. Some people don’t want power because they know they have it. That’s the kind of people that we are lucky to get to hang out with.

So anyway, enjoy life, be inspired and ask cool people questions and really listen. You might gain a friend who is inspiring. We did. I mean, who serves Jesus, the poor and needy for practically their entire life without focusing on their own gain? Some of our friends do, and they inspire us to keep trusting God with the crazy stuff and the daily life stuff.

By the way, my hubby and I are on a mini vaca/road trip before heading to Mozambique. So I took a break from blogging to focus on having a super special time with my hubby. I love to love this guy!!! We are goofy together, and good for each other. I’m a very blessed wife and momma!!! But I am missing my kids. Had to look at pictures of their awesome faces….That’s what pictures are for, to remember the people you love and reconnect with those heart-melting emotions. I get all emotional thinking about my Jesus, my hubby, kids and friends. There must be a soft gooey heart on my insides….

Thank you!, to friends who are keeping up with my writing, and encouraging me to tell my story. I’m still getting into the groove of writing, and taking few days off gave me time to remember why I’m inspired to write about our international family. Remember when I started to write I made a plan to write six days a week, as long as I wasn't writing just to be writing for six days in a week. I want to write from my heart. It was a great disconnect from 'writing as a job' and reconnecting with my family and friends who inspire my writing. We are a pretty cool bunch of people!! You’re a part of it!

Now I’ve gotta put my hair in foam rollers for attending a sweet spiritual sista’s wedding tomorrow. I saw a vision of this a year ago, and here I am, with my husband, to witness the vision actually happening! It’s great to celebrate family and friends. It’s great how God loves to love us. He shows us things to give us hope. I had hope for this day many years ago when I met a beautiful single missionary in Mozambique. It's my JOY to witness things we have seen in the spirit and waited for happening at just the right time!

My hair is almost dry, I gotta get it in granny rollers. G’night!!!

Lots of love,

Missionary Momma Mia

Subway for Thanksgiving Feast

Today when we ate lunch at Subway, I remembered when my hubby, firstborn son and I had Subway subs for Thanksgiving in Sau Paulo Brazil, instead of turkey in Colorado. It was one of those unexpected adventures that turned out to be a blessing for some tired missionaries.

Let’s see. That family trip was scheduled for late November. We were supposed to arrive just one day before Thanksgiving, on a Wednesday. Our tickets had been bought for a while, the visa for my hubby to visit the USA was still valid. Everything checked through just fine on the first leg of our trip to get to Sau Paulo, but that’s where we got stuck for a couple nights while even our second carry-on went ahead to Colorado. We were ready to go, except right there, between our departure from Brazil and arrival in Denver, an overzealous airline employee decided to check our details just one more time. She found out that my hubby didn’t have a visa for Canada. “What? No one said that we needed a visa before?” Our connecting flight showed up in her computer system as US/Canada. According to her computer, we didn’t have all the right travel documents.

We were surprised to hear her say that we would have to delay our flight and get a visa in the Canadian Embassy in Sau Paulo. It was the weirdest thing ever. Our flight had one connection in an airport that was both Canadian and American. We were literally only walking through the airport to get to our connecting flight, our itinerary said USA. I explained that the city and state is in America, but she was adamant that Canada would require a visa. We asked for her to confirm the details until she was getting even a little more short with us. We explained that we were not going to Canada, but she was insistent. So we told her that it was the company’s fault that they had verified our visas, loaded our baggage, and given us boarding passes before she verified the details again, and then changed their minds about it.

They were going to help us. We wouldn’t have to pay for everything since the company was partially responsible. Then something changed. I was surprised (this time happier surprised) as I learned how sincerely kind Brazilian culture is towards expecting mothers. My hubby talked with her explaining that the first airline employees hadn’t seen any problem with our visas because we weren’t disembarking. She apologized and insisted we had to get the visa. “Its just difficult for my wife because she is pregnant…our suitcases have already gone on to Colorado…..” “She’s pregnant? It doesn’t even show?” And then, the atmosphere shifted. They were helpful. Insistent that he get a visa for Canada, but they reserved a hotel and got us booked for the same flight in two days. So they paid part of the fees to change our flight, and even a got us a room in a hotel. That meant that we would arrive after Thanksgiving. I was still a little distraught, but it was actually nice that we were going to spend a night or two in hotel that the airline company paid for, it was a five star hotel. That was super nice for frugal missionaries who wouldn’t splurge on that kind of luxury. We only had to pay for a Canadian visa, and the taxi and travel costs in the city.

It was late when that was finally sorted. A taxi took us from the airport to the hotel, and the next day we headed to the United Nations complex in Sau Paulo. Beautiful place! We were barely able to get the visa, but we did. I don’t remember all the details, but I do remember praying because it was possible that we would have to come back the next day to get the visa - it usually took more than one day to process. Somehow it worked out. They would try to have his visa available after a few hours, just before they closed.

We were so tired from all the unexpected requirements, but there was a UN complex full of shops and restaurants to explore while we waited until just before the embassy closed. We had to find some clothes because we didn’t have enough for the three of us in the one carry-on bag that we had with us. There wasn’t a lot available there, but we managed to find something.

Then we looked for our lunch, and to my delight, there was a Subway fast-food restaurant inside the UN complex. We looked at each other and my husband knew what I wanted. I told him that I was actually more thrilled to have a Subway sub sandwich that he could imagine. I had dreams about subs, not turkey. So, inside our unexpected delay was a gift that I had been dreaming about.

In the end, we didn’t need the visa. We didn’t even walk on the Canada side of the airport. We would have been just fine. But my husband looked at me and he said do you remember asking God for a Subway Sandwich? You even told me that if you could pick any food for your holiday it would be a fresh cut Subway sandwish….Things that pregnant woman say!?! I was dreaming of their pickles and fresh veggies.

Well, I didn’t think that an entire company would examine my husband’s passport and determine that he needed a visa –that he didn’t actually need (and we were barely able to get in time!) just so I could rest in a nice hotel, get a lovely back massage, get three haircuts taken care of, and eat the sandwich of my pregnant dreams.

Mommy advice, be careful what you wish for….it might change an entire family’s holiday plans while actually blessing you at the same time. You can trust that God’s got you in his perfect care. He’s not throwing a wrench in travel plans just to see if we will cry, but actually to give us the things our hearts desire. That sandwich that I was dreaming about is also one of my hubby’s favorite foods. 

Thus the drive down memory lane as we ate lunch today.

May all your sandwiches be yummy, and some of them be memorable.

Lots of love,

Missionary Momma Mia

Celebrating our brain's quirks

‘Well this happened’ is a pretty common phrase, and it's ok to say.

We all learn how to edit out mistakes that our brain previously thought was okay as we gain more education and experience. Our societies have certain standards that help maintain order, such as language spelling and grammar rules. We learn to speak our national language according to the standards that will produce the greatest ease of communication. However, as children and babies, the majority of us were probably allowed to say words with ‘baby sounds’ or our own baby words for various things like bottle, mother, father, food or pets. Lots of parents help their children edit out baby words before heading to elementary school. We expand our vocabulary and understanding of grammar in order to be better more mature communicators. Our brain edits out the habit of saying, “me want numnums” to “May I please have a snack.” Why? I think it’s because after a certain age,  one form of communication produces the desired result much more rapidly. (I think its because of the use of the magic word).

Some of us would rather not have communication norms and spelling and grammar rules. But, it would be really hard to understand other people. So, what am I trying to say? Every once in a while an adult has published a post, article or blog with a few small grammatical mistakes, or even left out an entire thought that caused a book to be revised only a year later. This stuff happens. It could be because word did or didn’t automatically change something. I tend to think that it is our brain being quirky and reminding us that we were once children. The learning process was, and is amazing. At the same time, our brains might need to edit out more childish thinking.

I think of spoonerisms or accidental ‘tongue twisters’ more like a quirk, a twitch, or a need for editing. It’s probably not so far out there that a spoonerism would interrupt our lives and be a major concern. It could be weird if someone hears the speaker switch sounds for the first time and it is considered ‘no laughing matter.’ Someone might throw out that is a sign of impending doom. I think that you are not necessarily on your way to a nervous breakdown because you said “spork and foon”. If someone said that to me, then I would have to say, ‘So that happened.’ or  “I’m sorry that’s not what I intended to come out of my mouth.” I usually laugh or argue that is not what I wanted to say!….

If it happens to you, learn your stuff! Know your stuff! And also admit when you aren’t sure and need to learn more about your stuff. Do some research about your quirk. My dad told me that a college professor was famous for switching the starting sounds of words around in a phrase, so that little quirk was given his name. That brain quirk became a ‘spoonerism’. Talk about celebrating his brain quirk! This is like fifth hand information. I don’t remember if I properly researched it. I was around twelve or thirteen the first time I was emphatically explaining something and it poured over my teeth incorrectly. I argued that that is not what I said. Dad helped me through it. Was there a college professor named Spooner? I think so. I believed him, and it calmed me from thinking my quirk was singular and a sign of doom.  

I mean seriously, does your leg twitch? Your nose tickle, or your eye blink rapidly? There could be some much deeper explanations for these things. But, if it is not interfering with normal routine or your life in general, it is probably something to look into in your spare time for curiosity sake and to learn something new about yourself.

If a little quirk becomes intrusive in life then it is probably time to celebrate it enough to let your friends know: “Hey, sometimes I get super excited when I’m talking and this happens…..” When friends are aware of your little quirk it might become more clear if that is actually something that is intrusive, or was only a little bit embarrassing but not really a big deal. Celebrating a quirky brain, a little tick, or a bouncy knee might just ease the situation. It also give our friends and family permission to say something like, “I’ve never heard you stutter before, is that normal and I never noticed it?”

We might be able to identify real ‘red flags’ or warnings of too much mental stress, an oncoming migraine headache, or an indicator that our ‘mental wellbeing’ might be on the downslope.

I love to celebrate my little quirks called “spoonerisms”, but if I stutter I want to be told so I can figure out why I would do something I’ve never done before. A quirk could become a source of immeasurable concern if someone makes a big negative deal out of it. If we celebrate the way our brain works with it’s quirks and all, we might not be caught off guard by a little brain quirk mistaken for a red flag or vice versa. We could be spared from having an actual breakdown.

My point is, talk about how you understand what’s going on in your mind with friends and family. We all process things in an individual way, pretty similarly, but we have different foundations, languages, analogies, and belief systems. It is important to know and identify more about how we understand our own thought processes in order to weird, I mean weed out quirks and warnings or ‘red flags’.

I do believe it is better to be safe than sorry, so as a mommy, I would suggest celebrating and looking into your brain quirks and learning more about them. Don't be afraid of what you find. Take care of you, Love you!

That’s enough thinking for now. Well, its not a very missionary-ish blog. Its from my experience of missionary living though. Anyway, I’m not editing this again tonight….take my word for it. Missionaries need to research things like what culture shock and compassion fatigue does to thought processing and emotions.  We can get really quirky.....it's probably still ok for most of us....At least my friends and family can laugh with me. 

Here's to JOY and Lots of love!

Missionary Momma Mia