Unto the Lord Overcomes Doubt

So yeah….preachy as it may be, it’s the truth.

Doing everything as unto the Lord is a perfect tool for overcoming doubt.

I was totally stumped a week ago while trying to do something that I do every day. I write. I write well enough that I barely have to edit my school papers, and I still get an A. I write to our staff and its natural and easy, not perfect but not difficult. It’s usually very easy for me to fill up a page with words and letters.

But last week I was totally stumped. I was an emotional train wreck crying, missing my husband who was hard at work in Africa, and loosing sleep. I had to try to pull myself together, or admit that I wasn’t able to get that letter done properly at the time that I wanted to get it done.

It was basically due right away. I learned that I needed to write a letter and send it asap. I didn’t do well. Usually, I do fine under pressure, but that was pretty bad. So, today as I took a few minutes here and there to work between a family hang out day (special 'during the week' family fun day because our meemaw was in town yesterday and today - and she needs to see her great-grankids!) we still had work to get done though. In between my sister doing haircuts, and my mom and meemaw playing with the baby and boys, my hubby and I snuck away to our computer and phone to connect with our team on the ground in Chimoio. Lots of talking, lots of chatting, and lots of laughing! We love our team! It’s great to have amazing people connecting with us and sharing our vision for the kids at the center, and for our hearts to love the lost and share Jesus.

Well, everything was crossed off my list – except one thing. I really needed to try again on that letter. I hate turning in things late – homework, office work, ministry work, you name it. Turning in something late is uncomfortable. How can we know what the response will be? I don’t. I sent in my first draft maybe ‘on time-ish’ but it was stinky. This was going to be better. I could feel it. My hubby is home, so I have stopped crying….I was crying just because I missed him. Seriously, I love him. Love being with him, ministering with him, raising our kids with him, having team meetings with him, having team conference calls with him, love discussing things with him and ....well you get the picture. It’s my preference that we do life, ministry and fun together.

Even though my hubby was near by, I still felt a bit unsure of how to try again. So I started my Word document with an unappealing attempt that got cut up and deleted . I stopped and typed my prayer. I have always loved writing or typing prayers, but this was a little different than asking for help.

I just wrote:

Dear Jesus,

If I was writing this letter to you, I would know exactly what to write.

Then I wrote the letter. When I was done, I changed the ‘who to’ and took out that first line.

Here's why it worked to overcome my doubt about a response from the person receiving the letter:

When I’m talking to someone or writing to someone who I know is thrilled to read my letter because they are absolutely, passionately in love with me then there is no doubt showing up in my letter. My words come across clear and concise – sometimes concise, I am pretty wordy. I’m less rambley writing to Jesus because I know that he knows. I don't have to try to explain. He already knows. I am more confident because I’m not trying to sell my abilities, skills or vision, I am telling him that I agree with his heart of the matter. His love makes my abilities shine, his love refines my skills. His Holy Spirit gives me vision! It’s not a matter of explaining who I am and what I'm doing, but that I understand why I am doing what I'm doing.

I am not explaining anything to Jesus that he doesn’t already know, I’m telling him that I am excited about his dream for my life. I am happy to tell him what I can see on the path that he put in front of my feet. It’s not about me getting things right and shiny and perfect. It's about me thanking him for being with me as I go forward. It’s changes what I'm doing to be Jesus focused, not me focused. It's ultimately me loving Jesus in other people that overcomes doubt. I don’t have to worry what people will think of me. Those who love Jesus will bear witness with my heart for them and our beautiful savior. Those who don’t yet know Jesus will be drawn closer to him.

Its simple! Loving Jesus helps us love people – all people.  When in doubt, fix your eyes on Jesus. It doesn’t have to take hours and hours, it can take a simple line in a letter that redirects your attention to the lover of your soul. It can take an instant to change a dreaded task into a triumphant victory – no matter the present outcome. By fixing our eyes on Jesus we successfully love the people around us. That is the greatest outcome! Its an eternal one.

Our God is practical! Never wasting a moment. Never losing ground. He is always loving each one of us. He is always gently drawing us closer to him. If we look for Him in every little detail of our lives,  we will always find him. That’s a promise.

Just think - Doing life for Jesus and to Jesus removes doubt that can muddle up normal thinking and processing. It really will change everything in our lives that needs changing. One detail at a time, one thought, prayer, letter, or deed turned towards Jesus is transformed into a loving, kind reflection of Christ to the world around us. As we love Jesus more and more people will keep falling deeper in love with Jesus and his beautiful bride. Lets be that beautiful bride. That’s the whole point! We all want to be desperately and totally loved!

We want to hear Song of Songs poetry written to us about being ravished by our beloved. We want to be lost in the one who calls us his dove. We want to be his favorite.

We are.

No doubt about it! We are totally, completely and perfectly loved! That’s good news worth sharing!

Lots and lots of love,

Missionary Momma Mia

Scrappy Scrapbooking

Love me some Scrapbook Therapy J

Not just posting photos on social media!

Yep, I’m that kind of person who scrapbooks her pictures and fun stuff into massive memory sized photo albums. I take some seemingly worthless pieces of paper like film stubs or the tickets from the Eiffel tower and add them to paper that probably costs about a dollar, along with candy wrappers, and a photo or two. Then, along with some little cute or pretty stickers, the scrapbook page tells more of the story than the pictures can tell by themselves in a typical photo album with plastic sleeves for holding individual photos. I do print photos every once in a while so that I can scrapbook something new… or just look at photos in a frame that isn’t digital, a computer, or a phone…

Today, I used some paper that cost less than a dollar, some lace that was free, paper lace and pictures from our Colorado Honeymoon in 2004. I specified ‘Colorado Honeymoon’ because we did have a 2^nd honeymoon in Brazil a little after our first honeymoon in Colorado.

Random thought: I have heard of people advocating for married couples to get married and NOT have a honeymoon because of some weird study of other historical cultures. Not going to elaborate, because I don’t agree with them – but those historical cultures aren’t thriving anymore – just sayin’. I would like to point out that a Honeymoon right after the wedding, and basically whenever a couple can get away to have another Honeymoon, is IMPORTANT to us. Romance, love and intimacy don’t stay overwhelmingly present in our lives without the commitment and quality time they require to stay alive. So, I repeat…Honeymoons are important to us, and we advise married couples to have plenty of honeymoons, not just the first one after a wedding. (And to couples who feel like they don’t deserve one for whatever self-condemning reason – its not about deserving. It’s about loving well!) Time alone together is a beautiful thing….I’m totally going to make a plan for us to get away….

Ok back to Scrapbooking…

Anyway, I was scrapbooking today. Usually when I miss my hubby I will scrapbook some pictures from our wedding, honeymoon, or engagement. I am not in a race or on a time limit to ‘get her done’. It’s more like art therapy for me. I have scrapbooking materials from years back….My sticker collection that started when I was 8 has only grown and become more sophisticated. And the books I put the stickers in are way more fancy. Sometimes I use stickers to make a scrapbook page look awesome. It’s not about the stickers, paper, or picture. It’s about the combination of details that make a page look, and feel just perfect to me. I’m looking for the details to be cohesive and honest, but absolutely pretty. Most of all, I am looking at a memory and cherishing the time we spent making that memory. I’m using the photos of that memory to build a foundation for the future – our future together. I spend the time collaging, cutting, and pasting to strengthen my love for my hubby – who I am missing terribly while he is away.

So scrapbooking isn’t just therapy. It’s an act of love that most people can appreciate on some level. Why do I say that? I have seen how people are touched by a thoughtful friend who actually took the time to handwrite a note in a thank you card. I have cherished cards from my spiritual Mama, and from my spiritual papa. I have carried hand written letters from my parents in my Bible. I printed out love letters from my hubby when we were engaged and planning our wedding (They were emails cause he was in Africa and I was in America). Something about time spent to communicate how important someone is just touches people. We spend our time according to our priorities. What a gift to spend time with, or thinking about someone special.

I’m going to say this, and people who forget that I am a missionary, it might sound like preaching… cause it is. I’m sitting here listening to worship, typing about acts of love that show thoughtfulness, and I’m overwhelmed by how the details of my life are woven together like a masterfully designed tapestry. I notice that that emotion is because I’m loved. I know I’m loved by Papa God because I spend special time reading about His perfect character, and getting lost in Jesus love letters to us - His bride. I see His hand in my life because I recognize that the good things in life come directly from one person, not random fate, but a thoughtful loving Papa God. I am convinced that ALL goodness flows from one source. The only one who is Good! Its easy to see how much he loves me when I believe that.

Today, as I picked what pictures to turn into a scrapbook collage, I found a letter that I wrote earlier this year. It was a perfect component for my scrapbooking page today, and the message in the letter made my heart melty and smushed. I remembered my new Brazilian friend telling me how a trip to Mozambique was the start of a brand new dream in her marriage. I was reminded of my ‘first love’ for my hubby not only to remember the past, and build a foundation for the future, but to dream again. I have a specific dream with my husband that I will trust Papa God for, and in the same way that I spend time remembering my first love for my husband, I will spend time remembering my first ever first love: Jesus.

The reason I have someone special to scrapbook for: Jesus. The reason I can feel like an artsy fartsy page is perfect: Holy Spirit. The reason I can be so deeply connected with my hubby and dream with him is: my perfect Papa God. If you are not sure about my point here, I will spell it out. Remember your first love with God. For me it was a moment that I talked to Jesus on my knees by my bed as a tiny little girl.  Remember your first love, and let Him love you. Spend special time reading through his letters to you. Sometimes I read them over and over. It changes my spirit, Jesus words fill me up with such hope, Joy, and love that he changes me. I can’t be a mess forever – I am a little bit of an emotional mess without my lover, helper, and best friend. We do life together. Well, I’m less of a mess with Jesus. I am overwhelmed by Jesus’ thoughts towards me. His imagination is boundless – and my kids have wild imaginations! Jesus’ thoughts are so much better than mine. I think its wild when Holy Spirit points out some detail in my life or highlights a dream, but then God’s thoughts towards me become more and more evident in my life. I step into the reality of our dreams as I trust God’s perspective.

In my ultra-relevant scrapbooking analogy, Jesus sees the finished scrapbook – not just one or two finished pages full of one memory. Jesus sees the entire shelf full of scrapbook photo albums that are full to the brim from before our birth to after our passing. There is so much more from his side of eternity, and every little thread matters! In my scrapbook, every little slice of the paper cutter matters. Every sticker needs to be precisely placed on the most appropriate paper to highlight a detail or mask a flaw.

I really love a perfectly satisfying scrapbook page. I love hearing my son say that Mommy is so artistic. I love my husband taking more than thirty seconds to appreciate something that took me three hours to perfect. Yeah, three hours is a long time. I did hug kids in between contemplating sticker placement. We ate a meal, and I did stop and stare at the photos before I remembered that I should scan the photos because they are so old that they aren’t digital! Then I finally felt ready to grab the glue and make it semi-permanent.

I found a place for this latest scrapbook page in my wedding scrapbook. I was really happy to have special time alone with my hubby right after we said our vows, cut our wedding cake, and greeted our handful of wedding guests. Our Colorado Honeymoon was in a little old-west mountain town. I put our honeymoon with our wedding album because it’s all part of our love story’s first chapter. Its part of our beginning and our first love.

Whenever I miss my hubby, and his tenderness towards me, I look at wedding pictures. And in that light, considering that I spent a few hours staring at three pictures this evening, I must be really obviously missing him. That feeling of longing is a good feeling – for now. It shows that our relationship has a healthy level of loving connection. It also proves my point that I would be a sappy sad soldiers wife…

Ok starting to ramble. Bunny trails just pop into my head. Makes me think of my boxes of handwritten journals from when I was a teenager just full of nonsense. Ok -stop stopping that bunny trail and saving for another time.

It’s been fun. I could add a picture of my scrapbook page, but I have no idea how to do that from this tablet….really I’m not trying to get appreciation for my artwork. I am sharing how I cope with longing for my beloved. I’m sharing how I remember my first love. I’m encouraging you to remember, to breath in that feeling of utter desire, to relent under that weighty presence of Holy Spirit, and let that love change you into the perfect version of you that lives in the heart of Papa God and the Mind of Christ.

You are so loved!

Missionary Momma Mia

Most romantic day (blurg)

Something about a wedding is so amazingly overflowing with romantic love that even the passionately-in-love couples are inspired to love more – more deeply and more fully. We remember the firsts. First time I laid eyes on you. First impression. First conversation. First touch. First embrace. First first first….

I have loved more deeply because one more time, I am reminded of a love story made in heaven (The most romantic story ever: Jesus and his Bride- US!) that is reflected in so many of our own love stories. Today's bride and groom have a love story that is unlike any other ever told. And, their wedding was spectacularly different than any wedding I’ve ever been to. It is an honor to celebrate their love and the first steps in their journey as a family.

Lots of lobe….it’s late. Lots of love and goofy JOY,

Missionary Momma Mia

We are called to carry the message of Azusa Now

It has been a day full of Azusa now, I didn’t attend though. I was able to plug into what the God was doing because they had live streaming of the entire event. It’s just now closing. I am over full. I’m so thrilled. The face of Revival is changing.

I’m remembering how it was sometimes very difficult to attend revival meetings or conferences and organize child care. Today, I was able to tune into revival meetings, and take care of my three sons, and youngest nephew this morning. While I was watching the live streaming of Azusa Now, I chatted with my sister-in-law and my brother. I prayed over the phone, and with other’s on facebook. Revival meetings are great, carrying a revival message and living with a revived spirit is Amazing! We can respond wherever we are. We can follow the lead of the Holy Spirit right where we are.

Now is the time to take the essence of Azusa Now and carry it to our everyday lives. Pray with our children, pray with our neighbors. Forgive one another, and be a united church – the bride of Christ!

That’s it for today,

Missionary Momma Mia