Writing writing everyday but not a blog in sight

I would have thought that title was followed by blank nothingness...this is my beautiful failure.... really I've been so busy writing to my hubby, the Iris Chimoio team, the office, or school everyday that there are so many days I didn't have words left to blog!!! 

Its so funny how many words are in front of me every day, and how often I am writing those words. Yet, there isn’t always anything to compose as a blog. Blogs are so journally, so free feeling in my brain. But so many people have an outline. I don't have an outline or a blog in mind.

Tonight is one of those nights.... I have written some blogs, and felt like I couldn't post them yet. But tonight, I have written a page of reading response to one of my summer classes text books in less than an hour. Did an edit, turned it in online without any concerns. I’m so confident about that, and rightly so. I guess. I have 100 percent on every assignment thus far. I can handle structured writing, but on Friday I even bombed that. grrrr. I mailed a strange email and haven't gotten a reply. must fix it!!!!

I had a weird feeling about writing after some interesting correspondence that left me questioning my ability to write anything. I tend to bounce things off of my hubby when I have a particularly stinky attitude. Anything that I am taking too personally, or not giving the person on the other side of the story the benefit of the doubt, I bounce off him. He is happy to re-direct my focus, and get me to look at the heart of the matter. If I can’t see that, the heart of the person I am about to smush.

No need to smush people. no smushing - leave that to Jesus and Holy Spirit. He's so very good at correcting and convicting us. His perfect kindness leaves us just almost unaware of his subtle ache for holiness. He doesn't pound us with guilt when we're in the wrong.

Deep sigh.

I don’t like my attitude. I hate when I have smushed someone and I didn’t wait and bounce my communication ideas off my hubby. He has a totally different personality than me, so all of my typical 'Jennifer'' assumptions are almost always so far off it should be funny. It would be funny if I didn’t take those particular things so seriously. Man are we different. His personality is far more introverted than mine, and his humor is sooo differnt. Very very diff-er-nt.

I’m kinda laughing at non-funny things like inside jokes, spelling mistakes and isms. Those barely translate in our international relationship. I’m looking at him when he’s laughing at something I think is entirely inappropriate – for example: kids playing with food or something yucky. We are different. He sees the kids having fun, I see the kids personally undoing all my cleaning efforts in order to specifically break mommy’s heart.

Right….that is an exaggeration, but good to think about. Most kids are not forward thinking enough to produce a perfect strategy that completely unhinges their mommies or daddies. It's usually funny little quirks about our personalities that we like to call buttons or triggers, and our little pumpkins or random colleagues have inadvertently discovered them.

I wish my personality had less quirks. Thankfully my hubby really does even me out so that most people think I am a pretty sane, reasonably kind person, who is sometimes even gentle. That is, in fact, the love of my life rubbing off on me. And, I specifically asked God for that when I was a teenager praying for my future husband every night. I had a list of personality traits, character qualities, special dates, and physical attributes I asked for in my future hubby. I literally asked that he would be my help-meet in building up my character where I recognized that I had flaws and shortcomings. He is the answer to my midnight prayers. He is the single most important person in my life, next to Jesus.   

I’m so happy the love of my life is on a  plane coming home. I will wait a couple days to send anymore not urgent emails, so as not so send something that makes me cringe when I go back and read it later.

Oh, Jesus. Help me be more like you. I want to be more sensitive to other people and not assuming their motives, or their hearts don’t have the best in mind for me. I need to be less of a meany. Thank you for helping me. I don’t even get it. I don’t understand how just breathing a prayer helps me see that I am forgiven, helped, loved and created in your image. You love to see me lean deeper into your heart so that I can love more people with different personalities, giftings, experiences and walks of life. You love when I  lay down your job of convicting, and pick up love. I’m not Holy Spirit. When I try to judge people’s motives - Holy Spirit's job - it comes across pretty stinky (poopy duty) in a way that is motivated by condemnation. I just look into Papa’s God heart and know that he not only forgives me when I’m not reflecting him, he empowers me to become more like Him in that moment.

Who does that? Who loves so intensely that correction is a delight?

Only Him. Only Jesus.

Inside his great heart we find peace, love and joy!

Be blessed as you lean deeper into his heart!

Lots of lub,

Missionary Momma Mia

…see, I think that weird mis-spelling is funny. I’m a dork, but a bit of an emotional one. I’m glad he designed my emotions to reflect His, and he loves my quirks so much more than I do. You too!!! He loves your quirks and humor even more than you do! He’s laughing with us so much more than we realize- like a papa who adores his lil’ kiddos. He loves us with lavish love!!

Goodnight

When darkness falls

There are leaders who stumble when darkness falls over their lives, and so many people talk about their 'abuse of authority'. We have probably all experienced some degree of injustice, unfairness, or even abuse from some figure of authority.

We cannot change the figure of authority, or their behavior. We can change our response to their behavior, and maybe just maybe we can influence them to change. When darkness falls, we fail to look with eyes of brilliance. When darkness falls, we fail to see where roadblocks lay in front of us. When darkness falls, we stumble in the shadow and hope we find our way back to the light.

I didn’t want to write much tonight. I was thinking about going to bed and writing tomorrow. I have honored my Sabbath rest plan by taking either Saturday evening or Sunday evening off from blogging, or even journaling. It has been a blessing for me to know that I’m not trying to produce something or force my own hand. I’m just going with the flow of the Holy Spirit, and writing about what comes to mind and what surfaces from my memory.

Tonight, I thought that if I did write, it would be about the majestic feeling of an American University Graduation Ceremony and my reflections on the many Bible School Graduation Ceremonies we attended or were a part of in Mozambique. I find myself more invested in the ‘whys’ behind the feelings of grandeur and awe, completion and unity, accomplishment and growth.

See, the 'why' in Mozambique is similar to here, but it looked different. We were so honored to be able to give each graduating Bible student a t-shirt and a certificate. We would celebrate with them in the presence of the Lord with prayer tunnels and big slobbery piles of graduates who were overcome by the weighty presence of God. They responded in tears and laughter falling on the floor or jumping for joy. They would crumple to the straw mats at the front of the traditionally constructed mud church. The floor was special. It had a layer of smooth cement, instead of pounded dirt. That made for a lot less dust when they congregation was dancing. The altar area was made softer for the knees and bodies of people who feel over under God’s presence and anointing with straw mats laid out as natural carpet. Sometimes there would be a huddle of people who feel in a bunch. Men on their faces had another man falling onto the floor so close to him that his head was on his brother’s back. They didn’t care. They didn’t wait for 'catchers' to allow them to fall in an orderly fashion on the floor of the church altar so they wouldn't touch their neighbor. They just receive everything that was available for them from God. They responded with open hearts and unrestricted behavior. They weren’t overly aware of what someone watching might be thinking or concerned if they landed on their classmate. They just wanted more of God. Their certificate wasn’t the objective! Their hearts full of God and his presence IS their objective! They wanted every last drop of anointing, impartation, and tangible LOVE that was thick in that big meeting room before they headed back home to their homes and their families after three months of intensive Bible training.

Their graduation ceremony was so intensely different from my brother’s University graduation ceremony today. Yet, I felt such an awe and majesty that left me thrilled for each and every graduate. I am seriously hopeful that each one of them left their ceremony with a wonderful feeling of accomplishment and self-worth, along with the education they were looking for. It was truly touching. It was altogether different from our ceremonies in Africa. The floor was cement though! And it happened in one BIG room. So very different though in almost every other aspect.

The lights and sound were so professional, the seating was sufficient for all the attendants, not waning electricity and standing room only. The stage was swanky, and they were all dressed in dignified robes. It was full of splendor and honor just like our ceremony in Africa, but it looked very different. We had dignified t-shirts and caps for our grads (baseball caps). We also had honor for our faculty, directors and our God. It looked very different at the end though. I’m sure that the graduating students celebrated their diplomas in a fashion fitting to their environment. 

So what is it that our environment is creating? What kind of atmosphere is our environment inviting? Are we people who have such a strong sense of authority that we command and affect our environment? Or are we affected by our environment? Sometimes a environment is to strong and its best we get out of there, but where we live, work and celebrate community and fellowship is our typical environment. Are we affecting our environment or being affected? or both?

If we are certain we are affecting our environment, how do we really know if our authority is internal coming from a source of unending power connected to our spirits, or an environmentally accepted and adorned position of power that invokes temporal authority? I think we dwell in the shadows until we command the light to increase. If we can go to a dark place and cause light to shine then we can know that we are affecting our environment. If we can stay under a shadow (only as long as Papa God is asking us too) and contend for light until it gets brighter, then we are affecting our environment.

When darkness falls we can run to the other side of the cave, cloud, or storm; or we can hover over a little chicks like a momma chicken who knows the storm will pass, the cloud won’t last, or our eyes will adjust to the dim light of the cave or our other senses will respond to the Holy Spirit as he guides us to safety.

For years I’ve wondered how leaders can forgive the gravest offenses. They give glory to God for what he has done in spite of stupid people doing stupid things! They don't focus on the offense, they give glory to God for his works through them. God is still God. 

Tonight as my husband and I talked for about an hour and half, we realized that if they couldn’t forgive those people turning their back on God they couldn’t forgive us for real or imagined offenses.

We’ve walked through darkness when there were real offenses committed against us, and we really offended other people. Those connections were shattered while we try to pick up the pieces of what was once a healthy life-giving relationship. We stood back and observed different people who offended or hurt us without trying to mend the connection until we were confident in Christ in us, that we weren’t going to mend something that was just going to be shattered again.  The old saying says: Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me. We waited on God to help us be truly humble, and really see Jesus on them and them. We forgave them. Forgiveness is constant though until the break is mended. But we watched and waited for enough information to go forward and see God heal a broken relationship. 

Let me tell you, there is no reason to try and mend something when the darkness is still hiding some of the broken pieces. When it’s time to rebuild a bridge or glue the shattered pottery, all the missing pieces will be in the light.

When darkness falls, its for a reason. Not so we can point fingers and blame another leader for ‘falling into sin’ or ‘abusing authority’. I believe it helps us to wait, to go lower and deeper into the dark well. To get closer and closer to the red hot embers. It helps us to become the flame that burns up the darkness. It causes us to change.

If someone really does have a tendency to abuse their power, they need to be told how the victim has overcome what they did and are believing God for divine justice on both sides of glory. If someone really has fallen into sin, they need to be loved to repentance. It’s kindness that says, “Oh, you are wearing skin just like me. You need to feel forgiveness that unlocks you from guilt and convicts you to change!” “Oh, you need to be honored as a sister or brother in Christ even if I can’t respect your temporal position of power.”

When darkness falls we can choose to be the light.

From one momma to somebodies child, please don’t try to mend a relationship that isn’t ready to be mended. Burn with love for the person who offended you. How do you do that? Ask God how he sees them, and why are they in your life. Wait until you are ready, but follow Holy Spirit's prompting even if you feel timid inside yourself. Be confident in who you are in Christ, and their response is first of all, between them and Jesus.

My husband and I asked God why someone is still in our lives tonight, and we were pretty overwhelmed with the revelation that came out of our soul searching. (We know that people are going to be with us for eternity, so its good to bring kingdom thinking into our connections with people now. That doesn't mean there aren't people who cause us to lift our eyebrows at God) It’s been years of asking God to help us love some person more, and what is another detail about that person that is important and life giving for our spirits? We realized that someone that we really do love, even though we’ve been hurt by some of their decisions, has some understanding and depth of forgiveness that we can still learn from. If they didn't forgive those terrible things, how could they forgive us? Yep folks, ever once in a blue moon, I might make a mistake, hurt someone, or sin....I need to be forgiven.

Trying to forgive someone is a step closer to forgiveness, and a step farther away from bitterness.

I pray that you can graduate from a grudge and love someone special again.

Lots of love,

Jennifer

Missionary Momma Mia 

Face the shadows with Confidence

If I could turn back time.....

If I could rewind time I would try to rewind to specific events of conflict, pain and trauma to undo some of the deeds I’ve done, replace the untrue thoughts I believed, and take back some of the words I’ve said. But as we all so sorrowfully understand, just rewinding life in our minds isn’t enough to relive and redo moments of regret, pain, or failure.

Our memory provides that amazing chance to revisit and reconsider if it was only poorly chosen words and actions, or lack of deeds that might be appropriate if we could only have a second chance to try again.

I faced my history through the eyes of a survivor of trauma, pain and neglect. My parents are wonderful, not perfect, but also not abusers. I did feel neglect from my birth father, and his family though. The early abandonment may have caused some trauma to me as a baby. I don’t know much. There is only so much I can actually remember. But other events in my life did leave me with trauma. In some random times in my life, the trauma was triggered and I didn’t even realize. For years the trauma and pain caused my life to be jilted through the eyes of pain and victimization.

It was a difficult thing to face the fact that so many times my point of view was tainted with catastrophizing events, and demonizing most of the people in my life who caused me any additional pain. I definitely ran from people who started to hurt me before confronting them because I couldn’t bear the pain any longer. I learned at an early age that my perspective was the only one I could trust because some figures of authority were what I understood as ‘wrong’.

As a teenager, I saw Jesus eyes as big as clouds during an altar call at a revival event at the church our family attended. I had been in visions and seen angels and demons before, but this was different. It was the first time I saw the eyes of Jesus looking down at me as big as clouds, and as close as breath.

I could hear his voice whispering in my heart while I looked into his beautiful reflective eyes. They were full of life and compassion. That was my first encounter with Jesus where I could see his eyes. Then I felt Jesus’ comforting embrace as he told me that I needed to forgive my father. I hadn’t ever considered that the pain and anger I had harbored in my heart towards my birth father had been growing into bitterness and un-forgiveness.  For most of my entire childhood I had been pretty free and happy, but when someone caused me pain I was talented at causing them to feel totally guilty. I could have provoked an incident, but I wouldn’t apologize or let them think that I even needed to. I felt that I had done nothing to apologize for, and I learned to dramatize any event where I felt jilted. I would cause the other person to feel 100% to blame, and I was the innocent victim. I became practiced at shifting blame, and presenting myself as the good and pure child.

This vision of Jesus was the first turn of events in my life were I realized that not only did I need to forgive birth father, but I needed to change my heart attitude towards other people.  I learned to forgive, and begin to consider if I needed to forgive someone who hadn’t done almost anything to me at all. My thoughts about forgiveness had been rudimental and childish before I saw the vision of Jesus' eyes.

It took a long time and some wonderful mentors to help me develop more mature thinking about guilt and forgiveness. But at the time, I didn’t have anyone to talk to about my deeper thoughts. I’m not sure that I told anyone about my experience on the floor during the altar call because I had been taught that no one can see the face of God and live. I didn’t realize that there was so much more to learn from that experience with Jesus. I was more afraid of being told that I was seeing visions from the Devil, so I kept pretty quiet about it. I may have told mom that God spoke to me telling me that I need to forgive my father. But that was all I remember mentioning. She did ask me what I needed to forgive him for, and if I was able to forgive him. I answered, and that was basically the end of that. It was a one-time thing, not a life lesson to explore and study. I never thought to ask the men in my life who preached and taught about their shared application and understanding of certain scriptures if it was ok to see Jesus eyes. I definitely didn't ask them if it was ok that I saw his face as he came so close to me and held me when I was frozen to the floor during an altar call.

I felt that I knew what they would say, so I may have mentioned in loose terms questions about people physically seeing God’s face. I got the answers that I expected. They were consistent with their previous teaching, “No one can see the face of God and live”.

I couldn’t possibly try to explain to them that when I was in a trance at the church altar, or that I had seen the roof fade away and the clouds roll back to reveal Jesus eyes. Then I saw his face as he drew me closer to him. I didn’t know the words ‘trance’ or ‘spiritual eyes’. In my thoughts and understanding at the time seeing with my physical eyes and spiritual eyes was the same thing.

It took me years to understand the difference between seeing with my eyes, and seeing with my spiritual eyes. I had seen such a tangible vision of Jesus that I couldn’t explain or differentiate between real or spiritual. The struggle that remains now is what is more real? We in the Western cultures see the physical world as real and concrete – while the spiritual world or spiritual realm can be overlooked as mere imagination or fanatical thinking.  Or is this question just a tangent to keep us from facing the lessons that we learn while in a vision or trance?

It’s really hard to grab a hold of the solid facts of the kingdom of heaven when they are attained by faith if we want them to be found in a book or teaching. It was by faith I looked into Jesus eyes and learned to forgive my birth father. By faith I learned to recognize God’s voice when even elders in my church couldn’t lead me into deeper understanding of spiritual things but denied that my ‘visions’ were from God. Right there I had to forgive them, because I knew that Jesus had spoken to me, and shown me his face.

I have sought after God in his word, through prayer in the Holy Spirit, and fellowship with like minded believers. I still have more lessons of faith to learn! I have learned some amazing lessons up to now. These lessons have shaped my life and in some ways I have been able to rewind and redo some mistakes or failures in my life. I can’t go back in time and confront a father and mother who separated for important reasons. I can’t go back in time and ask spiritual leaders why they did or didn’t respond in what I perceived as more helpful ways to my questions, or why I didn’t feel safe asking them more questions. But I can go back to the person or people who I still need to talk too and ask questions now.

I’ve learned the power of forgiveness is liberating, and life changing. I’ve also learned that the power of God can lead us to reconcile and restore things or relationships that were broken. In an attempt to restore old things I am going to talk with people that I felt were the ‘bad guys’ in my life. Through the pain I heard everything they said as if from a position of authority that they might use to abuse me.

I am going to face my history with an open heart, open eyes, and open ears to hear, see and feel what really was lurking in the shadows. I might even go back and revisit some places of pain to rebuild my confidence. At the time of some conflicts, pain or places of trauma in my story I was unable to verbalize the experience. Well, now I’m ready to verbalize, write, talk or paint or draw. I will commit to do whatever it takes to be able to confront the shadows with confidence.

My life will go on as I confidently confront the shadows, and in the meantime I’m finishing a semester of Uni going to a wedding end of May and planning a trip back to Mozambique.

So my blog will literally be all over the place next month and the months of June. I hope to be able to write something and not worry too much about internet when I am in Africa.   

Friends who pray, please do pray for us. I know that we missionaries don’t like to talk about the pain of being missionaries. But sometimes the pain is to deep to share, almost like a war wound. When we go back to our old home, and our children and team in Iris Chimoio, we will be full of love and Joy for seeing them. We also have such a pang of sadness that our own three boys are going to be in Colorado while we travel. Please pray for us as we go forward with Jesus to love on his beautiful bride in our corner of Mozambique. Please pray that I can confront some of my shadows from being a missionary mom. Please now that I am a terribly normal person that was pretty broken, and in some areas still am broken, yet just because we say “Yes” to Papa God when he says, “Will you go?”

He can do something amazing with our little lives poured out as a living sacrifice. I’m so excited to see our kiddos. I’m so looking forward to hugging our mammas and the big Iris Chimoio family!

I pray that when you think about saying "no, I’m too much of a mess", you can remember to face the shadows with confidence while still living, and saying Yes to Papa God!!!

Lots of love,

Missionary Momma Mia

So much power

I do not envy the spiritual leaders who follow the call of God on their lives and obey to the best of their ability to serve the body of Christ as Pastors, teachers, evangelist, missionaries, and counselors. When they submit to God and go to teach what they understand, correct, instruct, comfort and counsel where they can, and have a handful of 'fans' who criticize their every move. "The sermon could have been better; the scripture reading should have been a different text; the joke was inappropriate; I should be a lay-leader already, so why can't they see my anointing? ; They skwelched the spirit, and on and on. Folks, leaders are people too. They do make mistakes. Most of them are not mind readers, or able to discern that criticisms comes as 'tough love'- instead of kindness. 

I can think about real tight situations on the mission field where I've misjudge a co-missionary or even misunderstood a leader in the field. I consider the weight and responsibility that comes over a minister or a famous preacher or teacher, and I am humbled. 

I think, “Whoa, I better pray for them and forgive them instead of judging what they just said or did and holding a grudge.” What if my perspective isn't the big picture? What would happen if Heidi spent all of her time listening to 'well meaning criticism' instead of taking another abandoned vulnerable child off of the streets and into the Iris family? What would happen if Bill Johnson spent his time focused on refuting arguments against revelation instead of teaching, preaching and 'doing' as Holy Spirit leads him? Would anyone's time be better spent listening to negative feedback?  I don't think so. It's far better for us to recognize internal offense and give it to Jesus. Pray for leaders. Trust God to gently correct whomever needs correcting. They're not our children, we can correct and discipline the children he'said put in our care because we see their big picture better than they do. He sees his children and knows the big picture better than we do. Let things go. Lay down offense. Forgive. 

Why?
When I forgive, I'm trusting God to guide someone who I feel has done me wrong by lovingly correcting them. I know that he will lead his children to repentance through loving-kindness. I don't have to try to correct people who aren't my children or students. Why attempt to parent someone who is not my responsibility? What if I am the one who needs to repent and change? This is always a possibility, it's just to hard to see clearly with junk in our eyes.

  

When I want to hold someone accountable for their mistakes or failures, or cruelty towards me, I am choosing to take God’s place in their lives. I don't want to try to do God's job. God is so kind that he doesn’t overstep our free will if we want to try. He's pretty chill and permissive. When we want to judge and condemn, we can. It's stupid to do that, but that is one of the realities of free will. We can make choices, even if they aren't the best choices.

Isn’t that wonderful? We can choose to let go of the responsibility to administer discipline to everyone in our life, and trust God to correct a rebellious or ignorant person through whatever means he knows is necessary and best. 

That seems kinda scary to control freaks who want to help God along in his plan. I mean it isn’t practical to think that the all – knowing intelligent creator is waiting on his creation to give him advice, and help him along. As impractical as it is – lots of us think we know what we would do if we had that kind of power.

No really, creative power, power outside of time, power to convict the hearts of men, power to create, power to love, power to truly be unconditional love – to love creation without manipulating the will of his creation. 

We are called to carry the message of Azusa Now

It has been a day full of Azusa now, I didn’t attend though. I was able to plug into what the God was doing because they had live streaming of the entire event. It’s just now closing. I am over full. I’m so thrilled. The face of Revival is changing.

I’m remembering how it was sometimes very difficult to attend revival meetings or conferences and organize child care. Today, I was able to tune into revival meetings, and take care of my three sons, and youngest nephew this morning. While I was watching the live streaming of Azusa Now, I chatted with my sister-in-law and my brother. I prayed over the phone, and with other’s on facebook. Revival meetings are great, carrying a revival message and living with a revived spirit is Amazing! We can respond wherever we are. We can follow the lead of the Holy Spirit right where we are.

Now is the time to take the essence of Azusa Now and carry it to our everyday lives. Pray with our children, pray with our neighbors. Forgive one another, and be a united church – the bride of Christ!

That’s it for today,

Missionary Momma Mia

Joy of Repentance

I know, you probably think I’m joking. Right?

How can there be any joy in repentance?

Let me tell you what I’m thinking and you can decide if you agree or not. You might actually go with me on this one, or even have an ‘ah hah’ moment. It’s possible because this is not as crazy as it sounds the first time you hear/read it. I have said this outload to people before. I usually get the squinty eyes and tilted head to one side, sometimes even a silent mouthed “whaaaat?” But it isn’t that ridiculous really, and it isn’t that difficult when you think about the similarities of crying and laughter. Crying is basically the same as laughter.

I’m not a scientist or doctor, but there are lots of different articles that people can look up about these things. This is not some professionally crafted article, so I’m not going to look up loads of articles and quote them. I don’t even know how to do the proper references in a blog. I’ll figure it out in the future when I need to quote someone more precisely. At this point I would rather indicate that there are people who study these things and write about it. I just remember enough from what those smart people said to look at my kids and say, “Are those happy tears or sad tears? Is that a happy laugh or a nervous laugh, love?”

Ok, so now you might be following me. A laugh doesn’t equal JOY, and a tear doesn’t equal Sorrow. Can be both and a lot more.

What other people may think of as ‘only true’ if it is contrite, I think of as an opportunity for complete transformation! It hit me one day when someone corrected me. She can do that. In fact I pay her to, she is a University professor. I was thrilled and overjoyed to be corrected. I had literally NO idea of my previous mistake- I knew I was making some mistakes, some colossal failures, but no idea why. Her experience and authority in the subject gave her much better discernment than me, and she was able to point out some of my problem areas and definite areas of weakness.

The spirit of truth came in such gentleness and clarity that I was literally OVERJOYED! How could I not be? The thing that had evaded me for YEARS was finally exposed. It was my own doing. My failure was pretty consistent because I had a blind spot. What a thrill to learn! What a thrill to be corrected and to see immediate results! That was a great time of repentance for me. I took the lesson and applied it to my life, my family, and my ministry. Relationships were mended, and I got to see something dead be totally renewed!

I laughed and I cried as one person let me open my heart to them. I never imagined that they cared. I was wrong. I had preconceived ideas about some people in my life that were my jilted perspective.

What happens when we lay down our pain, trust in Jesus ability to perfect us, and love people that he’s brought into our lives?

Our world changes.

Maybe only one person at a time—so! That’s one whole entire person! One person at a time, is actually the gist of the Iris Global motto: ‘Stop for the One’ It might not seem like a revival to someone interested in numbers, but it will be a revival in that one person’s spirit. Love someone you have judged. Forgive someone you have held accountable for their offense, and embrace someone you couldn’t see before you repented. Your life will change. Well that was a lot of advice. You can throw it out if you want. I’m also writing this for me. So I won’t mind one bit what you do with my words. I’m not going to forget. I’m not going to go back to hours of crying for God to show me what is wrong in my heart, I’m going to trust him to show me in the most loving way possible that will change me forever. I might be contrite, but when I truly get the point. I’m gonna celebrate!

I’ve heard people say, many times, that repentance is only heartfelt when there are tears. As a parent we do often see that our tender-hearted children do cry when they are corrected, and when they realize that their actions of violence, outbursts of hatred, or unfettered selfishness doesn’t only hurt the person who was on the receiving end of their tantrums, but that any time we hurt another person, we also hurt ourselves….It’s funny though how my boys look at their brother, friend or cousin and say ‘sorry’ then smile and give each other a big bear hug. Can you imagine doing that as an adult?

I can.  I did, and I started laughing just like my little boys. I can love better, more deeply and more freely knowing that if I need to repent it isn’t a terrible thing, but an amazing opportunity. I can see something I’ve never seen before. Can you imagine what we are missing by being stubborn?

I pray that I’m not missing the important things. I pray that you get to see something new after you read this. That is the beginning of change. And Repentance is a total transformation life change.

Lots of love to my friends who take the time to read these silly ramblings, I'm sorry to those annoyed. It's just kinda journaling too. Not flawless. I know, and well..rambling

love,

Missionary Momma Mia

PS. I want to put a plug for Azusa Now. I’m wondering why my schedule couldn’t be arranged in anyway for me to attend, but I’m not too to sad. Some of my greatest friends will be there, and I know they are going to share amazing testimonies!

I comfort myself with the fact that Azusa now will be live streaming on-line at http://www.thecall.com/azusa?mc_cid=750b1e74c8&mc_eid=43305fa082 and on God-tv.

Not only will the even be in a packed arena, it will be in a packed outdoor arena. I pray for a gentle breeze and soft scattered cloud coverage. For those of you who haven’t heard, this is going to be a blessed event.

I heard of a lady named Maria Woodworth-Etter when I was 15 years old. I listened to my mom read her book of testimonies aloud. It is full of firsthand accounts of healings and revival that swept our country at the turn of the 20^th century. ‘A Diary of Signs and Wonders’ was published in 1916. One hundred years later there is a massive event happening in Los Angeles, California – Azusa Now starts tomorrow morning at 7 in the Los Angeles Coliseum. For anyone in the LA area, this will be a great gathering of many love-minded followers of Jesus Christ. This is the perfect day to put down denominational, theological, and apologetics arguments and gather together for the sake of harmoniously expanding God’s kingdom hear on earth. It’s a perfect time to bubble up with JOY in God’s Holy Spirit and let God pour out his heart in and through his church – Jesus Bride. Let the walls fall down, let people humbly and joyfully look to heaven with repentant hearts. It’s time to fix our eyes on Jesus and love our neighbor.

Azusa Now is an event inspired not only by the historic significance of a revival that began in 1906, but also recognizing proclamations that were spoken by Maria Woodworth-Etter in  1913. She prophesied that there would be another great outpouring of the Holy Spirit in one hundred years.  I’m incredibly interested in being exactly where God wants me to be to see the outpouring of Holy Spirit simultaneously happening around the globe tomorrow and the days that follow. I do not believe that the movement of God’s Holy Sprit being poured out will be an isolated event in one location. I believe that an incredible moment is happening in the history of the church, and we get to be a part of it.

Azusa Now is already happening. Sign up, tune in, and Pray. (sorry I'm bossy. I have three small boys, have helped raise over 33 of our Mozambican children, and I'm an older sister) but it is a good idea to do these things....

A couple of good bits From the Azusa Now web site:

AZUSA THEN

What made the 1906 Azusa Street Revival so special? Three key factors at Azusa mirrored the reality of the formation of the church in Acts 2. Firstly, there was a multi-ethnic gathering of unity in Christ (Acts 2:1-11). Secondly, the miraculous, attesting ministry of the Holy Spirit was enjoyed in a unique way (Acts 2:2-4).  Finally, there was a clear presentation of the Gospel leading many to salvation (Acts 2:37-41).

AZUSA NOW

“We need a true jubilee of love and mercy to sweep our land. A dark question looms over our children's future: riots or revival? The only answer is to be found in Christ. Prayer, love and unity remain the Acts 2 template for breakthrough. On April 9, 2016, join a great multi-ethnic, multi-denominational, multi-generational assembly as we strike a match for awakening in our day. It's not just Azusa then. It's Azusa Now.”