Juggling

Oh the things to juggle.

Homework.

Work from home all the time.

---that’s because I have assignments from my class, and I do administrative and Ministry communication work from home.

Then there is more work on my list that is related to keeping my school loans organized.

Then there is non-profit stuff.

And always mom and wife stuff to juggle.

It’s hard for my brain to process, and I have different reminders on different devices.

Oh man, I really need to figure out how to import my reminders to my phone calendar because I am literally doing more work on my phone than my laptop….

There is always something new to learn.

I almost always grumble about changes and updates on my phone or other technology, but I know that in the end the computer and phone will do most of my thinking for me….

Won’t that be fun….my predictive text on my phone can’t seem to handle two languages, so it just deletes random important words that I use all the time. ‘Hi’ gets converted any time it’s in a text or message. I can't wait until my phone thinks more like me, so I will not loath the upgrades....

This is a random blurg….because juggling non uniform items is pretty random.

So anyway. I’m off to organize a bibliography for my final, and I don’t have enough articles or books for the assignment. So I can start it, and finish it tomorrow after heading to the library.

This assignment snuck up on me because I missed the email about it….and the note on the discussion board. I was a little distracted by being with my hubby after spending a little over 40 days on different continents.

The funny thing about homework is that I can pull it off. I wish other things in my life were that defined and easy to pull off. It’s the spontaneous problem solving that kinda twists my juggling skills into a bail of ‘apples’ raining on my head. With any luck, grace, favor from Jesus, or something beautiful those apples will turn into deliciousness (preferably Apple Butter) that I can sell to my friends after I’ve had my fill.

Mush brain writes silliness, I kinda know what I mean though :-) 

Here’s to sillies!

Lots of love,

Missionary Momma Mia  

Proud Momma

My sweet oldest son said the cutest, most genuine compliment while he was talking to Papa God tonight. He said, 

"I just really want to thank you that my brother, Daniel,, is feeling better and that you helped him. Now can he help my other little brother, Benaiah, he is not feeling good, Can you help him because, You are the best helper God. You know just what to do."

So sweet!

Proud Missionary Momma Mia

Unto the Lord Overcomes Doubt

So yeah….preachy as it may be, it’s the truth.

Doing everything as unto the Lord is a perfect tool for overcoming doubt.

I was totally stumped a week ago while trying to do something that I do every day. I write. I write well enough that I barely have to edit my school papers, and I still get an A. I write to our staff and its natural and easy, not perfect but not difficult. It’s usually very easy for me to fill up a page with words and letters.

But last week I was totally stumped. I was an emotional train wreck crying, missing my husband who was hard at work in Africa, and loosing sleep. I had to try to pull myself together, or admit that I wasn’t able to get that letter done properly at the time that I wanted to get it done.

It was basically due right away. I learned that I needed to write a letter and send it asap. I didn’t do well. Usually, I do fine under pressure, but that was pretty bad. So, today as I took a few minutes here and there to work between a family hang out day (special 'during the week' family fun day because our meemaw was in town yesterday and today - and she needs to see her great-grankids!) we still had work to get done though. In between my sister doing haircuts, and my mom and meemaw playing with the baby and boys, my hubby and I snuck away to our computer and phone to connect with our team on the ground in Chimoio. Lots of talking, lots of chatting, and lots of laughing! We love our team! It’s great to have amazing people connecting with us and sharing our vision for the kids at the center, and for our hearts to love the lost and share Jesus.

Well, everything was crossed off my list – except one thing. I really needed to try again on that letter. I hate turning in things late – homework, office work, ministry work, you name it. Turning in something late is uncomfortable. How can we know what the response will be? I don’t. I sent in my first draft maybe ‘on time-ish’ but it was stinky. This was going to be better. I could feel it. My hubby is home, so I have stopped crying….I was crying just because I missed him. Seriously, I love him. Love being with him, ministering with him, raising our kids with him, having team meetings with him, having team conference calls with him, love discussing things with him and ....well you get the picture. It’s my preference that we do life, ministry and fun together.

Even though my hubby was near by, I still felt a bit unsure of how to try again. So I started my Word document with an unappealing attempt that got cut up and deleted . I stopped and typed my prayer. I have always loved writing or typing prayers, but this was a little different than asking for help.

I just wrote:

Dear Jesus,

If I was writing this letter to you, I would know exactly what to write.

Then I wrote the letter. When I was done, I changed the ‘who to’ and took out that first line.

Here's why it worked to overcome my doubt about a response from the person receiving the letter:

When I’m talking to someone or writing to someone who I know is thrilled to read my letter because they are absolutely, passionately in love with me then there is no doubt showing up in my letter. My words come across clear and concise – sometimes concise, I am pretty wordy. I’m less rambley writing to Jesus because I know that he knows. I don't have to try to explain. He already knows. I am more confident because I’m not trying to sell my abilities, skills or vision, I am telling him that I agree with his heart of the matter. His love makes my abilities shine, his love refines my skills. His Holy Spirit gives me vision! It’s not a matter of explaining who I am and what I'm doing, but that I understand why I am doing what I'm doing.

I am not explaining anything to Jesus that he doesn’t already know, I’m telling him that I am excited about his dream for my life. I am happy to tell him what I can see on the path that he put in front of my feet. It’s not about me getting things right and shiny and perfect. It's about me thanking him for being with me as I go forward. It’s changes what I'm doing to be Jesus focused, not me focused. It's ultimately me loving Jesus in other people that overcomes doubt. I don’t have to worry what people will think of me. Those who love Jesus will bear witness with my heart for them and our beautiful savior. Those who don’t yet know Jesus will be drawn closer to him.

Its simple! Loving Jesus helps us love people – all people.  When in doubt, fix your eyes on Jesus. It doesn’t have to take hours and hours, it can take a simple line in a letter that redirects your attention to the lover of your soul. It can take an instant to change a dreaded task into a triumphant victory – no matter the present outcome. By fixing our eyes on Jesus we successfully love the people around us. That is the greatest outcome! Its an eternal one.

Our God is practical! Never wasting a moment. Never losing ground. He is always loving each one of us. He is always gently drawing us closer to him. If we look for Him in every little detail of our lives,  we will always find him. That’s a promise.

Just think - Doing life for Jesus and to Jesus removes doubt that can muddle up normal thinking and processing. It really will change everything in our lives that needs changing. One detail at a time, one thought, prayer, letter, or deed turned towards Jesus is transformed into a loving, kind reflection of Christ to the world around us. As we love Jesus more and more people will keep falling deeper in love with Jesus and his beautiful bride. Lets be that beautiful bride. That’s the whole point! We all want to be desperately and totally loved!

We want to hear Song of Songs poetry written to us about being ravished by our beloved. We want to be lost in the one who calls us his dove. We want to be his favorite.

We are.

No doubt about it! We are totally, completely and perfectly loved! That’s good news worth sharing!

Lots and lots of love,

Missionary Momma Mia

Writing writing everyday but not a blog in sight

I would have thought that title was followed by blank nothingness...this is my beautiful failure.... really I've been so busy writing to my hubby, the Iris Chimoio team, the office, or school everyday that there are so many days I didn't have words left to blog!!! 

Its so funny how many words are in front of me every day, and how often I am writing those words. Yet, there isn’t always anything to compose as a blog. Blogs are so journally, so free feeling in my brain. But so many people have an outline. I don't have an outline or a blog in mind.

Tonight is one of those nights.... I have written some blogs, and felt like I couldn't post them yet. But tonight, I have written a page of reading response to one of my summer classes text books in less than an hour. Did an edit, turned it in online without any concerns. I’m so confident about that, and rightly so. I guess. I have 100 percent on every assignment thus far. I can handle structured writing, but on Friday I even bombed that. grrrr. I mailed a strange email and haven't gotten a reply. must fix it!!!!

I had a weird feeling about writing after some interesting correspondence that left me questioning my ability to write anything. I tend to bounce things off of my hubby when I have a particularly stinky attitude. Anything that I am taking too personally, or not giving the person on the other side of the story the benefit of the doubt, I bounce off him. He is happy to re-direct my focus, and get me to look at the heart of the matter. If I can’t see that, the heart of the person I am about to smush.

No need to smush people. no smushing - leave that to Jesus and Holy Spirit. He's so very good at correcting and convicting us. His perfect kindness leaves us just almost unaware of his subtle ache for holiness. He doesn't pound us with guilt when we're in the wrong.

Deep sigh.

I don’t like my attitude. I hate when I have smushed someone and I didn’t wait and bounce my communication ideas off my hubby. He has a totally different personality than me, so all of my typical 'Jennifer'' assumptions are almost always so far off it should be funny. It would be funny if I didn’t take those particular things so seriously. Man are we different. His personality is far more introverted than mine, and his humor is sooo differnt. Very very diff-er-nt.

I’m kinda laughing at non-funny things like inside jokes, spelling mistakes and isms. Those barely translate in our international relationship. I’m looking at him when he’s laughing at something I think is entirely inappropriate – for example: kids playing with food or something yucky. We are different. He sees the kids having fun, I see the kids personally undoing all my cleaning efforts in order to specifically break mommy’s heart.

Right….that is an exaggeration, but good to think about. Most kids are not forward thinking enough to produce a perfect strategy that completely unhinges their mommies or daddies. It's usually funny little quirks about our personalities that we like to call buttons or triggers, and our little pumpkins or random colleagues have inadvertently discovered them.

I wish my personality had less quirks. Thankfully my hubby really does even me out so that most people think I am a pretty sane, reasonably kind person, who is sometimes even gentle. That is, in fact, the love of my life rubbing off on me. And, I specifically asked God for that when I was a teenager praying for my future husband every night. I had a list of personality traits, character qualities, special dates, and physical attributes I asked for in my future hubby. I literally asked that he would be my help-meet in building up my character where I recognized that I had flaws and shortcomings. He is the answer to my midnight prayers. He is the single most important person in my life, next to Jesus.   

I’m so happy the love of my life is on a  plane coming home. I will wait a couple days to send anymore not urgent emails, so as not so send something that makes me cringe when I go back and read it later.

Oh, Jesus. Help me be more like you. I want to be more sensitive to other people and not assuming their motives, or their hearts don’t have the best in mind for me. I need to be less of a meany. Thank you for helping me. I don’t even get it. I don’t understand how just breathing a prayer helps me see that I am forgiven, helped, loved and created in your image. You love to see me lean deeper into your heart so that I can love more people with different personalities, giftings, experiences and walks of life. You love when I  lay down your job of convicting, and pick up love. I’m not Holy Spirit. When I try to judge people’s motives - Holy Spirit's job - it comes across pretty stinky (poopy duty) in a way that is motivated by condemnation. I just look into Papa’s God heart and know that he not only forgives me when I’m not reflecting him, he empowers me to become more like Him in that moment.

Who does that? Who loves so intensely that correction is a delight?

Only Him. Only Jesus.

Inside his great heart we find peace, love and joy!

Be blessed as you lean deeper into his heart!

Lots of lub,

Missionary Momma Mia

…see, I think that weird mis-spelling is funny. I’m a dork, but a bit of an emotional one. I’m glad he designed my emotions to reflect His, and he loves my quirks so much more than I do. You too!!! He loves your quirks and humor even more than you do! He’s laughing with us so much more than we realize- like a papa who adores his lil’ kiddos. He loves us with lavish love!!

Goodnight

Sundays are family Fun days

Sundays are for family, but I didn’t know how it was going to work out for us to get together. Our plans got thrown out the window when my middle son woke up with a fever for the second day in a row. We had to cancel driving up to church, and driving down to Arvada for our family get together at my sister and brother-in-law’s apartment.

We did end up hanging out though. They decided it was better for them to come over to gramma and grampa’s house. That worked out nicely since that’s where we are staying too. Gramma and Grampa’s massive house (we think its big) is split nicely between the floors as if it is apartments. We have a lovely space upstairs that is about the same size as a comfy apartment. They don’t use that bit of the house either. So that’s perfect.

Anyway, our family fun time did happen! My middle guy was able to rest while his cousins and two brothers played together outside. We spent hours in the shade of our big trees in the backyard, and he spent hours resting with inter-mitten hang time with his cousins.

My sister and I sat with our mom at a pretty little iron table under a tall cotton wood (it’s cottonless – thankfully) Gramma asked us if we wanted to start over at a new house with no trees. We all laughed. They did try selling this house for a long time in 2013 and 2014. It was on the market off and on for a few months at a time but it didn’t sell. They felt like it was better not to sell after we told them that we were going to have an extended furlough in the US. They offered the upstairs floor of their home to us rent free for a year. That was an amazing offer. We thought we were going to spend about a year or 18 months in Colorado. We were super happy to stay with my parents.

Then, to our delight (sarcastic delight, but ended up being delightful) we found out that the Green Card process for my hubby was going to take a LOT longer than that. It all seemed kinda difficult to understand. We knew Jesus had directed us to spend some time in the US. We felt like he didn’t give us a solid time frame, but the Green Card was supposed to take a max of 18 months for us since we are missionaries. That changed. Our blessed friends who were able to get a Green Card in under 18 months started the process before the Immigration laws changed in 2014. We started his process about 2 weeks too late for the expedited process. Our family has been here just over 18 months, minus our trip to Europe last summer, and Mozambique just now.

We don’t know exactly how long we are going to be here, but we are blessed to have a tiny rent with our parents, and a good school for our kids while we go through this process of waiting and changing. We knew that God was speaking to us about me finishing my Bachelors degree while we are spending time in the Us to get my hubby a Green Card. Our spiritual parents and pastors gave us similar prophetic words and advice. We’ve been married for what seems like forever, but never lived in the US -  until now. That looked weird to the immigration officers. They asked if my hubby likes the US. We told them we live in Africa. They let us know it was important for us to go ahead and get a Green Card, and after he has it we can live where ever we want again. We had previously stayed in the US for less than six months at a time . My hubby had a visitor visa that allowed him to stay for six months. We did a bunch of interviews with immigration officers and learned that that would not work anymore. They said that protocol would only allow him to renew a visitor visa so many times. The Green Card was the next step. He needs a Green Card – not to start a career here or to relocate permanently here, but in order to have good standing with the US immigration office. We scratched our heads, did research, and wondered why? We knew it was going to be a change of lifestyle, but were informed that after about 3 years he should have a Green Card and not be restricted to living the majority of the year in the US.

In the meantime, God spoke to us a lot about our sons’ education, and furthering mine and my husband’s education.  We’ve both done different ministry classes online. I’m furthering my formal education. I have had to add a few classes into my degree plan, so I’m not finished with my 

Bachelors, but I am already looking into Masters programs. I wanted to get into a Master’s program after I finish my BA, but I didn’t imagine that we could spend the time it requires in the US. Well, our time frame has changed. It looks like I can finish my BA and more. My hubby can get a Green Card and we can travel to Mozambique as needed now that he has ‘advance parole’. He even has a social security number.

Our plans got thrown out the window. They were very flexible anyway. But we have seen how God works out all the details to be a major blessing! We’re so so blessed to have such an amazing growing team on the ground in Mozambique. We hear from our team and have leadership meetings via Skype or other social media every week. We have great people on the ground loving our kiddos and leading important projects. We are finding out that we need more time in the US as little things, like a Green Card, and BA and MA Degrees require more time than we initially thought. We are settling into a life here in Colorado, and continuing to lead the Iris Chimoio ministry base at the same time. Its working. Its different from other ministry bases, but it’s working. The stories we have to tell. I better save that for tomorrow. The plans that God has are working out so much better than ours!

Just like today’s plans got thrown out the window, but everything worked out better than we thought it could. We did end up getting to hang out with family and have our fun day. The ladies manned the grill, while the men worked on a car. The kids kept the fun level to a high, and we all ate to our hearts content. My middle guy joined us for our meal, and then they all watched important gaming videos on you tube together. My sister and I even got to sing our favorite duet together, and in worship to our good God who loves to bless us with family time, fun, and fellowship; here is our duet:

We love how God sees the big picture. We were stretched today in little details, like sorting out the fire on our dad’s grill. But it worked out fine. Sometimes it’s better to lay down our plans and ask God for a better one. He has a perfect plan. He loves to walk with us on the path. He loves to surprise us with fun times, and answered prayers.

I was praying for a special time to sing with my sister. Most of the time when we are together, the hours are full of cooking, cleaning, taking care of kids and a little humming together. Today we got to sing our hearts out. Hope you enjoy. The song is saying how wonderful our Lord is, and how we adore him.

Lots of love and Blessings,

Missionary Momma Mia

Puddle on the floor

Today I felt like a puddle on the floor. I couldn’t sleep last night. I pulled an all-nighter. Crying, trying to write, and just turning on a stupid tv show to drown out the fact that I could not get to sleep.

It’s not the best plan for getting normal sleep, but I wasn’t really trying to get normal sleep. I am unsure about some things. Writing is one of them. I love to write for me. I love to just type and do something that is a great release and a great tool for me to thought process.

I think that there are people who work on art, creative writing, or music and don’t pour their entire soul into it. They have a gift- not just a talent, but an ability to naturally administer and manage their talent and interaction with people.

I so need that ability. I am learning. I am growing, and fussing a lil bit along the way.

To anyone who is learning, growing and maybe a lil bit fussy. Here is a big hug.

Lots of love,

Missionary Momma Mia 

Tuesday is coming

These are the last days of my voluntary separation from my husband.

I don’t know why I keep writing about him. It’s just a little bit of a healthy obsession.

There is something about being so certain that you are on the right path.

There is a voice behind you saying this is the way walk in it…

I read that verse and it really jumped off of the page for me when I was a teenager. It was specific, and clear. I knew that I could hear his voice and trust it.

There were never to many serious things as a child and teenager. I faced semi-serious decisions. My husband was my first rest-of-my-life decision that involved another human being, and more little human beings in the future. I was certain about him. I knew the voice behind me that I heard saying “this is the way”, was perfectly certain.

I feel that when I’m with him. I feel that when I see him. I know that he’s certainly my God-send.

I miss him. I’m counting down the minutes, hours and days till I see him again.

Tuesday is coming.