Flickering undying flame for Mozambique

Flickering flame

Perfect reason to give away leftovers from our dinner. I wasn’t sure why I couldn’t finish my meal this evening. We had set up a dinner date at a great place in Chimoio with great friends. We had the best conversation possible, and I might have just talked to much. I couldn’t finish my meal. My hubby asked for a take away box for the other half of my meal.

Then on our way our way home we found the perfect reason for having neglected such a yummy meal, and the right person to give our leftovers too.

My hubby and I don’t usually take that road home back from the restaurant, but tonight we happened to take the road because we knew that the other street that we used to take would be more crowded with drunks from the bars. I usually prefer the other road because it has a little bit more light from streetlamps, but tonight we went on that bumpy bumpy dirt road behind the school that is a short cut to our rental house. As soon as we turned the corner we noticed that there was a light flickering out of place up ahead of us. It was a little fire lit right next to the dumpster, and someone was getting warm. 

That dumpster often has a mad man rummaging around through the garbage for food, but Joao noticed that is wasn’t a mad man or even a grown up. He was a kid. When we realized that is wasn’t the normal mad man who stays by that dumpster, we stopped the truck, backed up and found out that this youngster was on the street for only a brief time. Our hearts desire is to scoop him up in our truck and let him sleep at our home just two blocks away. Tonight the temperature will drop pretty low. That’s why he had lit a fire to try to get warm. We looked at each other and knew that we needed to give him time to get to know us and our big family. We struck up a conversation.

He looked out of place wearing summer clothes instead of a winter jacket. His tank top and shorts didn’t look to be too ripped -  from what I could tell in the dim light. He appeared a little to clean to have been surviving on the street any length of time. He was kind and spoke very clear Portuguese. Sometimes street children speak more of the local dialect because they are not in school studying the national language. His name is Jose, and he answered our questions very clearly in Portuguese. We asked him if he was hungry and would like to eat my left overs? “Sim….Obrigado”(Yes, thank you) my hubby asks him in unison with me “Jose,  where is his home? “Nao tenho” (I don’t have one), Why? “Both of my parents died a year ago” Do you have any other family? He looked at me then at the ground contemplating an answer. So I asked if he had any aunties or uncles to care for him? “Nao” Rephrasing the question gave him an opportunity to answer without lying. My hubby asked him how long he has been on the street, but I’m not sure we got a straight answer. We know time passes differently when you don’t have a home. Then he asked him, where is your blanket? He told us that he is using a sack.

A vehicle was coming up behind us, so we said our goodbyes. We knew that if we talked longer we would be tempted to just take him home, but knowing the best path is to build a relationship and take things slowly we drove away knowing that he's going to be warmer tonight and well fed. He’s not a small child, but a teenager. My hubby lets him know that we will send our son with a blanket and we will talk with him more and give him as much help that we can give.

Our sweet Mozambican son took a sleeping bag to him and prayed with him. He is so tender towards Jesus and to the lost. They talked for a little bit and Ngenie came up with a lot of similar info. He agrees that this guy isn’t a street kid, and he said he’s only been there a month because his auntie was beating him and hasn’t come to look for him since he left her house. Our Mozambican son Ngenie knows what its like to loose both parents and then loose a home with an family member. It’s not easy to be alone. Ngenie asked him if he would want to live with our other kids or if he knew any of the Iris Chimoio missionaries. He is interested. He told Ngenie he stays by that dump, so Ngenie will bring him breakfast on the way to school. Our pastor and his wife are already praying with us for Jose to be safe and warm tonight, and to find a new home, or reconcile with his aunty. God knows exactly what this youngster needs. His heart is broken without his parents and he needs warmth, food, and to continue his education.

My hubby and I are ready to help him find his family again, or have a bed at River of God Children’s center. It doesn’t take us to long to decide these things. When he is ready our team will do whatever we can to help him get safe and warm for these cold winter months.

This is why we give our hearts to this people, this nation. Papa God doesn’t let these vulnerable children be hidden from his watchful eyes, and at just the right time this evening near 10pm we spotted one of his kids who might be getting ready to come home, or return to his family with help and love from ours.

Oh we have such a good loving Papa God!!! Its an honor to have eyes to see the hurting, and be able to love on them. It’s the best way to spend the last moments of our day.

So much love,

Missionary Momma Mia

Faced a shadow today

I was really surprised. I waited in a slightly crowded room and chatted small talk with a few other students until one of my professors from more than a decade ago came to speak with me. He was by no means a ‘dark or shadowy person’. I still felt a little bit intimidated though, possibly because it was evident that he is a man in charge. I observed genuine kindness and humility in his character as he responded to the respect, honor, and esteem that people showed him. He wasn’t haughty, proud or overly persuasive. How had my memory managed to put a significant level of blame on him for me not getting my degree over a decade ago? My memory painted him as somewhat of a bully, yet, I didn’t see that at all today.

It’s hard to admit it, but the shadow was more likely my own projection of failure, pride, and stubbornness. Everyone has their hidden faults, and it is impossible to discern the depths of someone’s character in a day. I'm not saying he's perfect, at the same time the second “first impression” of this shadowy figure in my memory was a positive one that opened a flood gate of positive memories.   

It wasn’t a bad shadow anymore, it was just a thing that I hadn’t faced since I walked away from my University over twelve years ago.  I finally spoke with someone who I was certain would be intimidating and probably disappointed in me. I found out that my memories are good at re-writing history. He was kind and considerate, and not the least bit disappointed. That was surprising. My perspective was wrong.

It’s amazing to me how a memory that was unpleasant, or would cause me to doubt my own self-esteem built up strong emotions around the facts and twisted other characters in my history into “unseemly” characters – something was wrong with them, not me.

It was childish behavior. I think of my 20’s as the years that I thought I could conquer the world. I didn’t recognize my own physical and mental limitations. I pressed myself to try and graduate with nineteen credit hours for my final semester. It didn’t work. One thing that did console me was that those who counseled me to register in less classes were right. It took me a while, but I really am thoroughly grateful for advice from people who have more experience than me.

I should have trusted God’s voice when he clearly told me that I shouldn’t register in any classes in 2003/04 school year. He knew how busy that season of my life was going to be, and all the self-doubt that the long route was going to cause. I was so adamant that he had given me the dream of going to get my degree in the first place. How could I be done with only three years of community college and college completed? I argued with God, and he was quiet when I asked him to help me register for the right courses for the semester. Ever semester before I literally could see the class section highlighted as if it jumped off the page of the catalog (back then the class schedules were still big printed books). I relied on Holy Spirit to confirm all the details of my college schedule. It was his idea. I never would have gone from music and art to Administration? There was a night in India in 2000 when I was singing on the balcony, and I could feel a tangible embrace from Jesus. He whispered in my spirit, “Would you go back to get a degree in Administration?”

I knew it was the greatest idea, because I would have never thought of it! I hadn’t thought beyond graduating from high school and getting to the mission field. I was 18 and ready to go live in Mozambique the first time there was an open door. I thought for sure I could go from a discipleship training program to a base in Mozambique. There wasn’t an open door yet. The missionaries that I knew with that specific training program where headed to a different country. God knew all these details before he asked me to get a degree in Administration. I didn’t know them. I just made a promise to go forward with Jesus, even if that meant to go back to the USA to study. That is what I did.

I never imagined that I would be able to start the degree plan in 2002, after transferring from a community college, and finish somewhere like 2016 or 2017. That wasn’t even in my imagination, but anything is possible.

I used nearly all of the non-profit administration course material that I had studied during these ten years that we lived in Mozambique. In fact, the first time I ever heard Heidi speak at a Voice of Apostles Conference in October 2002, she ended one of the morning, or afternoon meetings by asking if there was anyone with administrative skills willing to throw their life away for Jesus in Mozambique. I had waited my entire life since I was eleven years old for that open door. I knew it was the perfect moment for me to be there, and the perfect invitation. I threw my hand straight up in the air like a child in class asking to be picked as the volunteer. She saw me, of course I had sat on the floor near the very front of the room during that entire meeting. She prayed over a big group of on-fire Christians who burned for Jesus and longed to carry his glory to the nations. I had such radical encounters with God during that conference. My heart was so thrilled as she invited me to come to Mozambique.

I did visit Mozambique, met Joao Wenningkamp and the rest is history.

Who would have thought that going to go to college to study administration would have been one of my strongest signs from God this was my open door? She and her husband were the missionary couple I could learn from on the mission field. Me hearing God’s voice and knowing is what gave me the courage to drop everything in Spring 2004 to get married and move to Africa. I never understood why or how I would ever finish my degree with such a big gap away from the school, but in the meantime the school that was a college became a university the year that I reregistered as a return student.

When God spoke to me in India about getting a degree in Administration, I saw a vision of a sign that said ‘University’. I thought that was just my imagination, and not an important detail.

Important details are IMPORTANT. God is in the details. Well he holds all of creation together, but anyway.  The details matter. I’m getting a degree from a University. The shadow seemed dark and billowing, but it was just because I needed to turn the light switch on to shed a little light on the subject.

Light-switch on! Going forward with Jesus at my University. I feel pretty cool about that.

Praying for hope and courage to find that light-switch for anyone facing a shadow. The truth will be glorious, maybe a little bit difficult to face, but totally liberating.

Lots of love,

Missionary Momma Mia

The what ifs, ands, ors, & buts in the shadows

There are so many what ifs, ands, ors and buts that lurk in our shadowy futures and dimly lit pasts. We wonder what would have happened if only, or what we might face if we go in that direction.

There were so many dreams that we thought would follow some reasonable timeline. Or at least glance at our time table and consider our input. Right?

Wrong….

We are not merely managing some project, or overseeing an event. We have some kind of title of importance that basically means ‘the missionaries who want to face more haranguing’. There was a time when I was younger and thought a title would make things so much easier when we met with other important people or needed to sign important papers. Don’t get me wrong. Titles have their proper place in society, businesses and organizations. There are important reasons for titles of authority and power. I wasn’t really sure exactly what I wanted, but I knew that I wanted things to run more smoothly in our lives, our staffs’ lives, and the children to whom we were responsible guardians. So much paper work, and every single time explaining that I was an administrative director, or interim leader….I never thought that the conversations about who I was were actually building a relationship with people. I thought that I had work to just get done.

That was a character building phase in my life. Out of my experience rose up a character named…. Just kidding. I didn’t create another split personality to deal with the pressure. But I did learn to take less responsibility on my plate, even if it meant that everything we had built might crumble. We didn’t really have a typical way to build up a team and restructure organization where we were, and with the title that we held we didn’t have scary authority to brandish to irritating, irresponsible, or just naive people. There was no way to teach people the protocol and procedures that we had established and followed to build up that place. We had no connection with the western people who came to “help”. They just wanted to do things their way. They might have thought that was what we did, so in some small way maybe we should be flattered….I don’t know.

My husband and I were going to have to learn a very different style of leadership if we were going to ever do anything without big powerful titles. We would have to learn how to build connections and relationships that can withstand our absence or control.

First we had to walk away and let something nearly die. We were asked if we should just close the ministry base or not. We knew that place would probably struggle, but we believed that whatever God had in mind for that place would happen someday, and it wasn’t dependent on us being there. Now it’s thriving and full of life! We had to let it nearly die – a big ‘What if’, What if this was all some big test of character and it was mostly a waste of time? No we had to let go, not because we didn’t value the blood, sweat and tears that we poured out over that place, because we had valued our sacrifice more than Jesus’ sacrifice. We had to let go even if it meant that our sacrifice might have been in vain, and the place could become a ghost town.

Not only could we walk away, but we could possibly forget our sorrows. We had a gift from some family members that was supposed to help us purchase a little house. (Our interpretation was “walk away from being missionaries and just start a life somewhere else”.)

It never happened. We walked away from our place of pain, growing character, and blood sweat and tears and never started over as something other than missionaries. Within just a few weeks we knew that it wasn’t time to give up and run away from what we had started in February 2006 in Chimoio, Manica, Mozambique.

And much to our surprise, we didn’t really have any gift that would help us start over and buy a house. We had a reasonable gift that helped us travel to visit both of our extended families in Brazil and the United States, and head back to Mozambique to finish what we had started. We had to choose to face the shadows. We didn’t go back to live at the place that we had to let nearly die, but at the place where we had been given land for starting a new ministry base, in Chimoio, Manica, Mozambique. We had permission to do whatever we felt like God was leading us to do. We could have a fresh Start.

In the meantime, we had learned a huge lesson –among many others. Don’t build something that depends on your skills and presence to survive. We would try to build something that would become self-sustaining, and we entertained lots of other really cool ideas. We dreamed so much and had a few ideas and plans, at the same time we agreed to work on an existing big ministry project. But the big project was something that we had poured into before, and there were huge roadblocks to anything that was connected to our first place as missionaries. We were willing to work on whatever and wherever we were needed, but it just didn’t ever happen.

So many things that we imagined, planned and prayed about fell pretty flat. We had so many what ifs, ands, ors & buts. We assumed all the blame for everything falling flat, never imagining it was God asking us to completely let go of the past season.

Then one day someone left four kids in on our ministry property. These kids were abandoned by the last family that was caring for them. The term ‘caring’ is used very lightly there. The children were working in their fields with little food or comfort for recompense. They needed love. We could give them that.

These kiddos were a brand new plan for our lives. My husband and I prayed for them. We knew that we couldn’t abandon them. We felt like God spoke to us very frankly, “Are you going to reject the children that I am giving to you?

Our children? They were ours, given to us? Our hearts were totally rent in two. Talk about humbled.

My husband and I definitely couldn’t send them away, we did everything we could to make them comfortable and well fed and loved. We had energy, ability to care for them. We felt immediate love and compassion for them. How could God trust us to love them? Why did he give kiddos to us? We couldn’t even seem to get our ducks in a row for any project or program. We were pretty much cut off from anything that had happened in our ministry lives ‘before’. We could have wallowed in the past with all those thoughts and regrets, or thank God for a fresh start with these four children.

It was a big change to what we had thought about in the months coming up to our return to Mozambique from a little over a year furlough. We kinda threw a fleece before God. If this was truly his plan, and he was in fact giving us more children to love and care for, we needed clear confirmation.

I was up praying around 4 in the morning before the mosques in the city played a loud call to prayer. I had poured out my heart to God, and spoken with a dear friend who prayed for us. We needed God to show us that these kiddos were part of his plan for us. We hadn’t planned on taking care of any children without a fence around the ministry property, running water and electricity, the right buildings, and projects and programs. We were hoping to build everything first, but God had other ideas.

We had been thinking about our new think in Chimoio along the old word we had from God when we built a ministry base before. There were some projects going on as we built and built and built, but we felt like it was missing something. God kept telling us “If you build it they will come.” I thought it was funny because to this day, my husband has never seen the film, ‘Field of dreams’ I tried to explain it to him after he had a dream where he heard the phrase, but it was to no avail. I have just really never pursued renting it, or buying it because it’s a little bit Ironic that he did it. He built it. And we did have to let some things die, but someone was always there, and then they really did come. It never totally died. None of the work that we did was in vain. I digress. My bunny trails are leading somewhere though.

The new thought: It was just to trust him with whatever he gave to us, whatever or whoever God put into our hands. We were to love, steward and care for the gift that he entrusted to our care. At that point ‘Iris Chimoio’ was just a plot of land with a couple of tiny buildings, and an unfinished building, and a lot of turmoil pouring over it from the nearby Iris Churches and unsure neighbors.

We needed to have a dedicated safe place for those children, a place reserved for their care, comfort and to ensure their future. So we felt like we needed to separate the ministry land from all the past turmoil and dedicated it to God as a ministry center with a new name.

At that early morning hour when Heidi called, my husband and I had already talked about ministry names. We knew it was based on a vision that God had given us as we drove through the Manica Provence of Mozambique in 2006.

We saw a river, with a vision of a beautiful house near it. We knew it was a safe place, and a place of worship. We saw so many details about the promise that God showed us growing near his river of life that flowed from his throne. So we had the name ‘River of God’ already connected to our ministry vision. When Heidi called around 4 in the morning, it was as if we had already been talking through the night. She asked what our name for Iris Chimoio ministry base was, all the ministry bases had names like Joy village, or village of Love. That is when I told her that Joao and I already had a name in mind. We weren’t sure if it was really a village though, but she loved it!  

So the ministry land and small buildings that we steward in Chimoio were given the name ‘River of God’. ‘Children’s center’ was later tagged on as ‘Iris Chimoio – River of God’ was not quite a village. It is quite a mouthful of a name, but that made us happy because we had asked to do something small and organic after having done something big and over our heads.

We let the experience of the past be filed away for the time being, and moved forward as new parents and directors of Iris Chimoio – River of God Children’s Center. We became the legal guardians of those four children along with our other Mozambican son Seba. They are all pretty grown up now. They might not need us as parents much anymore. We don’t know exactly what we will find after having been away from November and arriving in June. We have had daily contact with our staff or children. The Iris Chimoio – River of God CC volunteers have been amazingly connected with us. It’s been totally different from before.

Still, I have to take deep breaths and trust God that this isn’t simply a repeat of the last time. This is the promise for now. We are not alone, we don’t feel isolated, we don’t feel that a title would help us promote order. We feel a bit shy going back after such a long time. What will they need our help for? Will they need us, or won’t they? Do we even want them to need us, or our guidance? Can we keep leading from a distance, or not? Will we discover something that causes huge changes? Would huge changes be good or bad? There is so much to pre-worry about, but I don’t have time for that.  Now I wonder what will happen after being away for more than a year. Things happen. I’ve heard about a lot of it. And we’ve helped guide the team from here. This promises to be interesting, and an adventurous journey.

Joao and I are still trusting in Papa God to help us care for the children that he put in our hands and our lives. We’re trusting God to help us encourage the churches, and reach out to the community. It’s time for us to get ready to go.

We can’t worry about those buts or whats, ifs, ands & ors. Its just going to have to be what it is, and we are going to have to go over there and be ourselves as we spend time with our lovely kiddos, amazing team and big International Family.

To each of you who prays, I’m thrilled that you would lift us up to the throne room of God and ask for his hand to be with us. We are desperately in need of more of God’s presence in our lives. We need his touch so deeply as our hearts question what he wants us to do as we go back for this brief time, and our own three sons stay with their grandparents and aunt and uncle. We are not super humans, we are simple people who can’t stand to let the shadow win.

Our confidence is pretty small right now. But help us shift our eyes back onto his lovely face as we go forward. Pray for us, cheer us on so we can feel his grip on our wrists when we feel like watching the waves.

I’m not good at walking on water yet….I’m confident that the one who is great at it is our greatest help! Thank you for reading this. It’s just a rough bit of my heart poured out. I hope and pray you are blessed as you face the shadows, and you remember where and who confidence comes from!

Lots of love,

Missionary Momma Mia

Face the shadows with Confidence

If I could turn back time.....

If I could rewind time I would try to rewind to specific events of conflict, pain and trauma to undo some of the deeds I’ve done, replace the untrue thoughts I believed, and take back some of the words I’ve said. But as we all so sorrowfully understand, just rewinding life in our minds isn’t enough to relive and redo moments of regret, pain, or failure.

Our memory provides that amazing chance to revisit and reconsider if it was only poorly chosen words and actions, or lack of deeds that might be appropriate if we could only have a second chance to try again.

I faced my history through the eyes of a survivor of trauma, pain and neglect. My parents are wonderful, not perfect, but also not abusers. I did feel neglect from my birth father, and his family though. The early abandonment may have caused some trauma to me as a baby. I don’t know much. There is only so much I can actually remember. But other events in my life did leave me with trauma. In some random times in my life, the trauma was triggered and I didn’t even realize. For years the trauma and pain caused my life to be jilted through the eyes of pain and victimization.

It was a difficult thing to face the fact that so many times my point of view was tainted with catastrophizing events, and demonizing most of the people in my life who caused me any additional pain. I definitely ran from people who started to hurt me before confronting them because I couldn’t bear the pain any longer. I learned at an early age that my perspective was the only one I could trust because some figures of authority were what I understood as ‘wrong’.

As a teenager, I saw Jesus eyes as big as clouds during an altar call at a revival event at the church our family attended. I had been in visions and seen angels and demons before, but this was different. It was the first time I saw the eyes of Jesus looking down at me as big as clouds, and as close as breath.

I could hear his voice whispering in my heart while I looked into his beautiful reflective eyes. They were full of life and compassion. That was my first encounter with Jesus where I could see his eyes. Then I felt Jesus’ comforting embrace as he told me that I needed to forgive my father. I hadn’t ever considered that the pain and anger I had harbored in my heart towards my birth father had been growing into bitterness and un-forgiveness.  For most of my entire childhood I had been pretty free and happy, but when someone caused me pain I was talented at causing them to feel totally guilty. I could have provoked an incident, but I wouldn’t apologize or let them think that I even needed to. I felt that I had done nothing to apologize for, and I learned to dramatize any event where I felt jilted. I would cause the other person to feel 100% to blame, and I was the innocent victim. I became practiced at shifting blame, and presenting myself as the good and pure child.

This vision of Jesus was the first turn of events in my life were I realized that not only did I need to forgive birth father, but I needed to change my heart attitude towards other people.  I learned to forgive, and begin to consider if I needed to forgive someone who hadn’t done almost anything to me at all. My thoughts about forgiveness had been rudimental and childish before I saw the vision of Jesus' eyes.

It took a long time and some wonderful mentors to help me develop more mature thinking about guilt and forgiveness. But at the time, I didn’t have anyone to talk to about my deeper thoughts. I’m not sure that I told anyone about my experience on the floor during the altar call because I had been taught that no one can see the face of God and live. I didn’t realize that there was so much more to learn from that experience with Jesus. I was more afraid of being told that I was seeing visions from the Devil, so I kept pretty quiet about it. I may have told mom that God spoke to me telling me that I need to forgive my father. But that was all I remember mentioning. She did ask me what I needed to forgive him for, and if I was able to forgive him. I answered, and that was basically the end of that. It was a one-time thing, not a life lesson to explore and study. I never thought to ask the men in my life who preached and taught about their shared application and understanding of certain scriptures if it was ok to see Jesus eyes. I definitely didn't ask them if it was ok that I saw his face as he came so close to me and held me when I was frozen to the floor during an altar call.

I felt that I knew what they would say, so I may have mentioned in loose terms questions about people physically seeing God’s face. I got the answers that I expected. They were consistent with their previous teaching, “No one can see the face of God and live”.

I couldn’t possibly try to explain to them that when I was in a trance at the church altar, or that I had seen the roof fade away and the clouds roll back to reveal Jesus eyes. Then I saw his face as he drew me closer to him. I didn’t know the words ‘trance’ or ‘spiritual eyes’. In my thoughts and understanding at the time seeing with my physical eyes and spiritual eyes was the same thing.

It took me years to understand the difference between seeing with my eyes, and seeing with my spiritual eyes. I had seen such a tangible vision of Jesus that I couldn’t explain or differentiate between real or spiritual. The struggle that remains now is what is more real? We in the Western cultures see the physical world as real and concrete – while the spiritual world or spiritual realm can be overlooked as mere imagination or fanatical thinking.  Or is this question just a tangent to keep us from facing the lessons that we learn while in a vision or trance?

It’s really hard to grab a hold of the solid facts of the kingdom of heaven when they are attained by faith if we want them to be found in a book or teaching. It was by faith I looked into Jesus eyes and learned to forgive my birth father. By faith I learned to recognize God’s voice when even elders in my church couldn’t lead me into deeper understanding of spiritual things but denied that my ‘visions’ were from God. Right there I had to forgive them, because I knew that Jesus had spoken to me, and shown me his face.

I have sought after God in his word, through prayer in the Holy Spirit, and fellowship with like minded believers. I still have more lessons of faith to learn! I have learned some amazing lessons up to now. These lessons have shaped my life and in some ways I have been able to rewind and redo some mistakes or failures in my life. I can’t go back in time and confront a father and mother who separated for important reasons. I can’t go back in time and ask spiritual leaders why they did or didn’t respond in what I perceived as more helpful ways to my questions, or why I didn’t feel safe asking them more questions. But I can go back to the person or people who I still need to talk too and ask questions now.

I’ve learned the power of forgiveness is liberating, and life changing. I’ve also learned that the power of God can lead us to reconcile and restore things or relationships that were broken. In an attempt to restore old things I am going to talk with people that I felt were the ‘bad guys’ in my life. Through the pain I heard everything they said as if from a position of authority that they might use to abuse me.

I am going to face my history with an open heart, open eyes, and open ears to hear, see and feel what really was lurking in the shadows. I might even go back and revisit some places of pain to rebuild my confidence. At the time of some conflicts, pain or places of trauma in my story I was unable to verbalize the experience. Well, now I’m ready to verbalize, write, talk or paint or draw. I will commit to do whatever it takes to be able to confront the shadows with confidence.

My life will go on as I confidently confront the shadows, and in the meantime I’m finishing a semester of Uni going to a wedding end of May and planning a trip back to Mozambique.

So my blog will literally be all over the place next month and the months of June. I hope to be able to write something and not worry too much about internet when I am in Africa.   

Friends who pray, please do pray for us. I know that we missionaries don’t like to talk about the pain of being missionaries. But sometimes the pain is to deep to share, almost like a war wound. When we go back to our old home, and our children and team in Iris Chimoio, we will be full of love and Joy for seeing them. We also have such a pang of sadness that our own three boys are going to be in Colorado while we travel. Please pray for us as we go forward with Jesus to love on his beautiful bride in our corner of Mozambique. Please pray that I can confront some of my shadows from being a missionary mom. Please now that I am a terribly normal person that was pretty broken, and in some areas still am broken, yet just because we say “Yes” to Papa God when he says, “Will you go?”

He can do something amazing with our little lives poured out as a living sacrifice. I’m so excited to see our kiddos. I’m so looking forward to hugging our mammas and the big Iris Chimoio family!

I pray that when you think about saying "no, I’m too much of a mess", you can remember to face the shadows with confidence while still living, and saying Yes to Papa God!!!

Lots of love,

Missionary Momma Mia